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Post by adamwarlock2099 on Dec 15, 2018 15:17:53 GMT -5
My wife was babying our teenage son about something one night. And I'm like you do realize in less than a year he can legally drive? And then two years from that he'll be a legal adult? She's like don't say that he's my baby boy. My youngest son graduates in just over five months. My wife is not dealing with it well. I don’t understand this mentality. Yeah getting older and facing my mortality is scary to me; but I want to see my boys become adults and start their lives on their own.
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Post by impulse on Dec 17, 2018 11:25:29 GMT -5
My youngest son graduates in just over five months. My wife is not dealing with it well. I don’t understand this mentality. Yeah getting older and facing my mortality is scary to me; but I want to see my boys become adults and start their lives on their own. I think it's a mixed emotional state and bittersweet thing. Like, obviously you want your children to be successful and happy and to find their place in the world. To spread their wings and fly, so to speak. That said, parents will have devoted how many years and what uncountable amount of time and energy into their children? The investment of blood, sweat, tears and love doesn't just go away because growing up is what is supposed to happen. The children whose lives your world has revolved around for two decades are out, and so you have this gaping void in your daily life and routine. I get to see my kids every day right now, and that is awesome because no matter how hard it is, I adore them and they make me so happy and proud. It's got to be jarring to go from seeing anyone every day to drastically less, let alone your kids. You need to learn how to just be adults and a couple again primarily. I can imagine that will be a very difficult transition to make when the time comes although I of course want my kids to thrive. I'm not going to take my kids moving out well. It will be bittersweet, but I will be happy for them to live their lives, too.
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Post by Roquefort Raider on Dec 17, 2018 16:14:58 GMT -5
I don’t understand this mentality. Yeah getting older and facing my mortality is scary to me; but I want to see my boys become adults and start their lives on their own. I think it's a mixed emotional state and bittersweet thing. Like, obviously you want your children to be successful and happy and to find their place in the world. To spread their wings and fly, so to speak. That said, parents will have devoted how many years and what uncountable amount of time and energy into their children? The investment of blood, sweat, tears and love doesn't just go away because growing up is what is supposed to happen. You tell it just like it is, Impulse. Even more than that, sometimes: you come to realize that a large reason you exist at all was to bring those little tykes into the world and to see them grow up strong enough so that one day they would leave the nest... leaving you like an empty toothpaste tube. An empty toothpaste tube may still have certain uses, of course, but never one as important as the previous one. I would not want my kids to stay home overlong just to soothe my aging ego as a provider... I'm really glad to see them spread their wings and fly away, living their own lives... but there's a definite feeling of being near my expiry date when I think of their being all grown up.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 17:01:51 GMT -5
Having just experienced this in the last year (our oldest daughter got married Aug 2017 and our youngest daughter was married Oct 2018) my wife & I are adjusting to an empty nest. On the positive side we have gained two really great son-in-laws. Some of you may also remember we tried to adopt a 13 yr old boy last year only to have things go wrong rapidly. Unfortunately he asked to leave our home. We have since become a resource family to help foster families get respite care as transitioning from foster care to adoption is emotionally draining as we learned from experience. This has helped us in this time of transition. Of course we are looking forward to being grandparents someday.
My best advice be happy in each stage of life. If your adult children have turned out well be content in that. I also have found they still need you... just in different ways. And they actually ask for your advice!
The hardest adjustment for my wife & I has been dealing with our own parents as they age and their health starts to fail. We have to make difficult decisions and have tough conversations. It's hard facing that they are mortal and we need to help them now. And it all falls on us as her older brother had passed away several years ago from cancer and her younger brother is dealing with his own issues at this time in his own family. And I am an only child so I am the sole responsible person for my parents. 2019 will be a tough year as we help them transition into their final years. We will need to help them sell their house, move them into an assisted living community and take over paying their bills.
And as @mechagodzilla said below becoming power of attorney for them.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 17:12:51 GMT -5
The hardest adjustment for my wife & I has been dealing with our own parents as they age and their health starts to fail. We have to make difficult decisions and have tough conversations. It's hard facing that they are mortal and we need to help them now. And it all falls on us as her older brother had passed away several years from cancer and her younger brother is dealing with his own issues in his family. And I am an only child so I am the sole responsible person for my parents. 2019 will be a tough year as we help them transition into their final years. We will need to help them sell their house, move them into an assisted living community and take over paying their bills. My brother took care of my Dad, and I helped with little things like his garbage, some of his errands (like car washing, getting supplies, and whatnot) ... I was basically his helper and that's helped him a lot. He was the power of attorney and that's something that you need to do with them. I dealt with it with my Mom died in 2012 and my Dad 4 years later in 2016. 2012 to 2016 were our difficult years and it took us a year to sell our Parents Home in 2017. I haven't had a real vacation since 2012. 2019 will change that for me.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 20:13:54 GMT -5
@md62 -- I will be thinking of you as you managed this and learn one thing be patience with your parents and most of all be honest and truthful and earn their trust.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2018 20:57:01 GMT -5
@md62 -- I will be thinking of you as you managed this and learn one thing be patience with your parents and most of all be honest and truthful and earn their trust. Thanks. Fortunately I have great parents and have a great relationship with them. I was talking with them today and it was a little sad when they realized this would be the last Christmas we celebrate at their house. I try in small ways to allow them as much independence as possible. Again thank you for your thoughts and advice.
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Post by hondobrode on Dec 19, 2018 0:54:24 GMT -5
Have a good flight and a Happy New Year !
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Post by Deleted on Dec 19, 2018 1:11:51 GMT -5
That feeling of organizing back issues and going through a series you thought was complete but when you get all the issues you bought together in one place you discover you have one issue missing...
and you don't know if you own and just haven't found it in the mess yet, or if you never bought it.
-M
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Post by Mormel on Dec 19, 2018 2:37:19 GMT -5
It's a bit early, but I'd like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Enjoy the festive days and make 2019 a great year.
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Post by Icctrombone on Dec 19, 2018 6:00:52 GMT -5
That feeling of organizing back issues and going through a series you thought was complete but when you get all the issues you bought together in one place you discover you have one issue missing... and you don't know if you own and just haven't found it in the mess yet, or if you never bought it. -M I can't stand that. It leads to buying duplicates.
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Post by The Captain on Dec 19, 2018 7:06:42 GMT -5
Catching a flight in the morning, be back in 3 weeks. Early best wishes for the New Year.
Travel safe!!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2018 0:29:17 GMT -5
Happy Solstice to all (winter is here for those of us north of the equator, and summer for our friends south of the equator).
-M
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Post by beccabear67 on Dec 21, 2018 12:57:50 GMT -5
Crazy winds over where I am, even a tornado to the south, but managed to avoid the power outages a third of others on my island experienced so I feel blessed. Going to listen to some Free Design music and bask in the holiday vibe for awhile. Stay safe, stay sane, have some egg nog!
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Post by Rob Allen on Dec 21, 2018 13:33:34 GMT -5
Tonight our friends host their annual all-night Solstice party, where we keep a fire burning all night to encourage the sun to come back.
So far, it's worked every time.
You're welcome.
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