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Post by Duragizer on Dec 1, 2019 22:34:16 GMT -5
Star Wars: The Unifying Force, Episode I of my planned nine-episode Star Wars Saga: Reconstructed Edition. The Unifying Force is based on my prior Episode I rewrite, The New Dawn. The two drafts will be quite different animals, though. When I wrote TND, I was a postmodernist who felt Star Wars was in dire need of deconstruction. Following Disney's acquisition of the SW IP and its frankly nihilistic demolition of the universe, I've evolved into a transmodernist who feels Star Wars is in dire need of reconstruction. TUF will reflect this new perspective.
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Post by Duragizer on Dec 1, 2019 22:42:45 GMT -5
EXT. SPACE
TITLE CARD: The Milky Way Galaxy, a long time from now….
A vast sea of stars serves as the main backdrop for the main title, followed by a rollup, which crawls up into infinity.
STAR WARS
THE UNIFYING FORCE
It is a time of turmoil. The Galactic Republic is at war with a fanatical enemy. Law and order stand at a breaking point. Chaos reigns.
Taking advantage of the strife, the mysterious Potentium has been orchestrating raids all along the Outer Rim.
In the wake of these attacks, the Jedi, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, have assigned one of their knights to investigate and uncover the underlying plan of the marauders….
PAN UP
To the cyan water planet Minntooine, her three moons glowing against the darkness.
The Radiant VII, a small Consular-class cruiser, races through space, pursued closely by the Nyax, an immense Lucrehulk-class battleship. Between the two ships streak innumerable green-&-orange laser beams.
INT. RADIANT VII/COCKPIT
CAPTAIN MAOI MADAKOR and LIEUTENANT ANTIDAR WILLIAMS man the controls.
CAPT. MADAKOR
I can feel them breathing up my skirt, Lieutenant. Can't you coax more speed from the engines?
LT. WILLIAMS
Sublights are burning at maximum, Captain. Had I time, I could bypass the safety protocols, give us a boost ...
CAPT. MADAKOR
(sighs) Time's a commodity we're short on. (beat) How long 'til the jump to lhyt-speed?
LT. WILLIAMS
Navicomp'll have the coordinates in five minutes.
EXT. SPACE — MINNTOOINE
The green beams from the Radiant's batteries are too weak to pierce the Nyax's deflector shields. Conversely, the battleship's orange beams overwhelm the cruiser's shields, penetrating the metal hull.
INT. RADIANT VII/COCKPIT
The Radiant rattles violently, jerking the captain and lieutenant forward in their seats.
INT. RADIANT VII/SALON POD
Seated within the spacious pod are seven passengers, SIX GIRLS and a WOMAN. The woman is a beautiful forty-something near-Human with long green-white hair, glittering white skin, and radiant green-gold eyes, NASHIRA DUQUESNE. The oldest of the six girls is a pretty fourteen-year-old with collar-length strawberry blond hair and soulful blue eyes, AMIDALA NABERRIE. All seven wear the simple sleeveless, hooded brown gowns of the Fallanassi, or Adepts of the White Current.
EXT. SPACE
The smaller Republic ship is being drawn into the dock of the giant Potentium starship.
INT. RADIANT VII/SALON POD
Tension mounts as loud metallic latches clank and the scream of heavy equipment are heard moving around the outside hull of the ship.
INT. RADIANT VII/COCKPIT
Madakor and Williams, having regained their senses, are busy undoing the restraints of their seats when a loud hissing begins issuing through the sealed doors into the cockpit.
The cockpit doors disappear in a terrific explosion, the air filling with acrid black smoke as an insectoid DESTROYER ROBOT strides in on three legs. The two officers clear their pistols from their holsters, but are instantly mowed down under a hail of yellow plasmafire from the robot's twin blasters.
INT. RADIANT VII/UPPER DECK
Dropping through a hole cut in the hull overhead, dozens upon dozens of destroyers roll into the small cruiser. Spreading throughout the ship, they assume battle stance and begin slaughtering the crewmen with their blasters.
INT. RADIANT VII/HOLD
Inside the small, dark, cramped hold, a number of robots and Cyborgs lay strewn about, all either deactivated or in low-power mode. One of these Cyborgs is ARTOO-DETOO. Artoo's brain is encased within a short barrel-shaped tripod, his face a mass of computer lights surrounding a radar eye.
As the hold door slides open, casting light inside, Artoo awakens. As a crewman enters, a yellow plasma bolt blasts through his chest, dropping him. Artoo fidgets nervously as one of the destroyers fills the open doorway. Inspecting the fallen crewman, it turns and leaves, ignoring Artoo and the hold's other bio-mechanical lifeforms.
Cautious, Artoo scoots over to the fallen crewman. Examining him, he concludes he is stone dead. Rolling past the body, the blue astromech exits the hold.
INT. RADIANT VII/SALON POD
Loud blasting begins reverberating through the pod doors. Rising, Nashira faces the doors, grim determination on her face.
Unable to withstand the barrage of blasterfire, the doors are breached. Three destroyers step through, levelling their weapons. They find no one. The Fallanassi have vanished. The pod is deserted.
INT. RADIANT VII/CORRIDOR
Artoo is rolling along the corridor when he hears footsteps. Stopping, he rolls backward, ducking into an adjacent subcorridor. He sits there motionless and silent, hoping whoever is approaching won't spot him.
A WOMAN accompanied by FOUR BX-SERIES COMMANDO ROBOTS makes her way through the corridor. She is tall and slender, her figure apparent under the gray leather jumpsuit she wears. Over this jumpsuit she wears black leather neck and wrist guards, a long black skirt about her hips, and about her shoulders a long black cloak with violet inner lining. The hood of her cloak is worn up, casting her features in shadow. Fastening the cloak is a silver brooch; it resembles an infinity symbol containing a starburst.
INT. RADIANT VII/SALON POD
The destroyers step aside to admit the hooded woman and the BXs. Reaching up, she draws back her hood. Skin porcelain white, pate bald, gray eyes and luscious lips painted black, ASAJJ VENTRESS is as beautiful as she is lethal.
ASAJJ VENTRESS
I can neither see nor sense you, but you're here.
With silent gestures, Ventress directs the BXs to step forward and the destroyers in back to form an impenetrable barrier closing off the door. She says nothing, but the look she gives the empty air clearly speaks "Let's end this charade, shall we?"
The illusion masking the Fallanassi is lifted, revealing them to the Rattataki and robots. In Nashira's hand is a stun blaster, trained on Ventress.
ASAJJ VENTRESS
(stern) Put that away!
NASHIRA DUQUESNE
(frantic) You won't harm my charges!
Nashira fires. Blue energy cascades over and through Ventress, dropping her. One of the BXs quickly returns fire, blasting Nashira through the sternum.
AMIDALA
(horrified) Nashira!
Panicked, Amidala dashes out to her fallen mentor, taking her limp form in her arms. The woman is dead.
Only mildly stunned, Ventress gets back on her feet. Amidala looks up at the near-Human, face twisting with hatred. She lunges at Ventress, beating at her with her fists. The palid woman roughly seizes the teenager's wrists.
ASAJJ VENTRESS
I admire your fire.
Twisting around, Ventress pushes Amidala toward the destroyers.
ASAJJ VENTRESS
(cont'd) It'll be of use to you.
Amidala glowers at the Rattataki woman as the robots escort her away.
ASAJJ VENTRESS
(points to other Fallanassi) And you.
Rising from their seats, Amidala's fellow pupils follow her, escorted by the BXs.
EXT. SPACE — MINNTOOINE
The Nyax disgorges the Radiant. Once the small cruiser has drifted far enough away, a turbolaser cannon comes alive and swivels into position, opening fire upon the small ship. The beams hit the cruiser, blasting it into three separate pieces.
Accelerating vertically, the Nyax makes the jump into hyperspace. The demolished Radiant VII drifts into Minntooine's atmosphere, where the fragments start to burn white hot.
EXT. HYPERSPACE — TRAVELLING
Through the surreal blue-white light show that is hyperspace travels a CR60 corvette, the Slipstream. The Slipstream is painted the red-&-white of the Republic Starfleet.
EXT. SPACE — MINNTOOINE
As the twin blue/white suns of Minntooine dip behind their child planet, casting the side farthest from them in darkness, the Slipstream emerges from hyperspace. Sublight engines burning, it enters the water planet's atmosphere.
EXT. MINNTOOINE — DESALINATION PLANT/DOCKING PLATFORM C31 — DAY
Hatch open and boarding ramp extended, SEVEN HUMANS emerge from the Slipstream. OBI-WAN KENOBI is thirty-seven years old, clean-shaven, his platinum blond hair cropped short. Judging by the militaristic black uniform and cloak he wears, he is a knight of the Jedi Order. His companions are all attired in the simple black slacks and tunics of Jedi Service Corpsmen. A heavy rainstorm drenching everything out in the open, Obi-Wan brings the hood of his cloak up.
TWO INDIVIDUALS are there to greet the Jedi. The first is DENN JIIDET, an amphibious Ishi Tib with blue-green skin. His companion is SEE-THREEPIO, a Cyborg with a tall slender robot body of humanoid proportions, his polished bronze plating of an Art Deco design.
Jiidet greets them with a stream of clacks, squeals, and honks.
C-3PO
(translating) Lovely weather we're having, isn't it? (aside) I don't find it lovely at all. I'm liable to rust in this downpour.
OBI-WAN
It's not quite what we're accustomed to. (beat) I am Obi-Wan Kenobi.
C-3PO
And I am See-Threepio, Ishi Tib-Cyborg relations. And this is Denn Jiidet, overseer of this facility.
Jiidet speaks, gesturing for the Jedi to follow them indoors.
C-3PO
Please, follow us.
The Jedi follow the Ishi Tib and Cyborg off the platform.
INT. DESALINATION PLANT/CORRIDOR - DAY
As the Jedi and their host make their way along the antiseptic metal corridors of the station, the Corpsmen can't help but eye all the Ishi Tib personnel and they them. Obviously, these Corpsmen have never before been in the company of so many non-Humans, nor the Ishi Tib in the presence of Humans.
INT. DESALINATION PLANT/WAREHOUSE - DAY
The door to the warehouse slides open, allowing the Jedi, Jiidet, and See-Threepio inside. Among tanks of desalinated water rest the charred, deformed, fragmented remains of the Radiant VII.
OBI-WAN
(to Corpsmen) Let's have the equipment unloaded. (beat) We have our work cut out for us.
Time passes.
Assisted by labour robots, the Jedi carefully sort and search through the debris, scanning equipment in hand.
Lifting a warped panel away, a Corpsman discovers Artoo. The Cyborg's robot body is mangled but remarkably whole.
CORPSMAN #1
I've found something. An astro-borg.
Another Corpsman joins the first, taking readings with her scanner. Obi-Wan comes over to inspect the find.
CORPSMAN #2
Brain function's present. It's alive.
OBI-WAN
Is he beyond repair?
CORPSMAN #2
The cerebral cortex hasn't sustained injury. It's memory systems should still be accessible.
OBI-WAN
Let's see if we can't have him fixed up. (to Artoo) You just may have the clues we seek, my little friend.
INT. SLIPSTREAM/COCKPIT — TWILIGHT
Obi-Wan is seated in front of a console. He runs through the data retrieved from Artoo's memory banks.
On-screen, we see Ventress and the commando robots in the Radiant's corridor, oblivious to the Cyborg recording their progress.
OBI-WAN
Pause.
The recording pauses. Under his instruction, the computer crops the image around Ventress, blowing the image up to reveal the finer details. Obi-Wan examines the Rattataki's regalia. Spying what appear to be two sword hilts sheathed in the woman's belt, he then takes notice of the silver brooch fastening her cloak.
Obi-Wan leans back in his seat, stroking his chin, deep in thought.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2019 7:04:17 GMT -5
Well written story and very quite descriptive and I liked the flow of things and it's really shows that ... thanks for posting it.
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Post by Duragizer on Dec 4, 2019 3:56:15 GMT -5
I've made substantial revisions to my last entry. - Artoo has been added to the story.
- Instead of snapping Zul's neck, Ventress stuns her with a blaster.
- Siri's been removed, her role given to Obi-Wan. This is a painful decision for me, as I quite enjoyed the relationship she and Obi-Wan had in my previous rewrite. Unfortunately, this rewrite is following a different trajectory, and I realized a romantic partner for Obi-Wan doesn't align with it, so she's gone.
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Post by Duragizer on Dec 9, 2019 5:30:36 GMT -5
EXT. SPACE — HAD ABBADON
The Slipstream heads toward Had Abbadon, capital of the Galactic Republic. The planet's surface is completely covered with cities, interconnected concentric circles of golden light blazing against an ocean of dark bronze.
EXT. HAD ABBADON — JEDI TEMPLE — DAY
The imperious ziggurat of the Jedi Temple stands against the electric blue sky.
INT. JEDI TEMPLE/COUNCIL CHAMBERS — DAY
Within the stately room located at the apex of the Jedi Temple stands Obi-Wan. Seated around him are the TWELVE MASTERS of the Jedi High Council. Though as black as his own, their uniforms are more ceremonial in form and function, consisting of long robes and tabards.
OBI-WAN
Recordings implicating the attackers were recovered from the wreck of the Radiant VII. Their identity is no longer a mystery. The Potentium has been orchestrating these raids.
MACE WINDU
Qui-Gon Jinn's sect?
Reaching into his tunic, Obi-Wan brings forth a small holoprojector. Activating it, a three-dimensional projection of Asajj Ventress' upper body is displayed, the brooch front-and-centre.
OPPO RANCISIS
Master Jinn is an idealist, not a murderer.
OBI-WAN
The facts are what they are. This woman is a Potentiate.
YADDLE
A rogue agent, perhaps.
MACE WINDU
We cannot afford to assume that.
DEPA BILLABA
How would we go about tracking the renegades down? They've been underground since their expulsion.
OBI-WAN
(hesitant) Shmi Warka may have their location.
There is a moment of tense silence. The masters, Windu in particular, observe Obi-Wan keenly.
OBI-WAN
Shmi was his apprentice.
PLO KOON
Warka chose not to join the Potentium. Isn't that so?
OBI-WAN
Their relationship remained close even after Jinn disclosed his heresy. Shmi may have been privy to that knowledge.
The Jedi masters turn to one another. After some low murmuring followed by nods of ascent, they turn their gaze back on Obi-Wan.
MACE WINDU
You have our permission to rendezvous with Jinn's apprentice.
Obi-Wan bows with thanks.
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Post by Duragizer on Dec 18, 2019 3:58:30 GMT -5
I'm putting this script on indefinite hiatus.
I want to return to The Last Son of Krypton and my original stories, and this Star Wars stuff is only distracting me. I need to trim the fat and concentrate on from what really matters most to me.
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Post by Duragizer on Dec 26, 2019 23:39:36 GMT -5
I'm putting this script on indefinite hiatus. Fickle bastard that I am, I'm going back on this. Major revisions. - I've decided to rename Zul "Nashira Duquesne" and rename Nashira "Amidala Naberrie". Confusing? Probably. Arbitrary? Certainly. But I figured since this is a reconstruction of the existing prequels, it would be better if Anakin's lover retained the same name as her canon counterpart (after a fashion; "Amidala" is a lovely name, but "Padme" is terrible and I refuse to use it).
- I’ve decided to kill
Zul Nashira again. This time a robot shoots her.
- The dialogue between Obi-Wan & the Jedi Order has been extensively rewritten/restructured.
- The enigmatic “Skywalker” Obi-Wan & the Jedi Council allude to is now “Shmi Warka”. Yes, Shmi is an ex-Jedi in this story.
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Post by junkmonkey on Dec 28, 2019 10:09:48 GMT -5
Technical quibble: Shouldn't 'PAN UP' be 'TILT UP'? - 'Pan' is a shot where the camera 'moves horizontally round a fixed axis' - a tilt is a shot where the 'camera moves up or down along a vertical axis' - Koningsberg's Complete Film Dictionary
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Post by Duragizer on Dec 28, 2019 19:56:59 GMT -5
Technical quibble: Shouldn't 'PAN UP' be 'TILT UP'? - 'Pan' is a shot where the camera 'moves horizontally round a fixed axis' - a tilt is a shot where the 'camera moves up or down along a vertical axis' - Koningsberg's Complete Film Dictionary I've seen "PAN UP/DOWN" pop up in a number of different screenplays, and I've gravitated towards it out of familiarity, but you're right. |
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