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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2017 20:58:15 GMT -5
BigPapaJoe ... Since you live in Hong Kong, I'm pretty sure that are some clubs that deals with meditation that offers a chance to relax. I went to Hong Kong back in 2004 with my parents that asked me to join them and one of the things that these clubs have both morning and afternoon sessions for a chance to relax and reconnect some of the people there and they have fellowship gatherings that promotes social times together and that's the beauty of these clubs. This way you can leave your home and have some quiet time to think and reflect and that's would do wonders for your emotional and physical health. Hong Kong in some places are great for bicycles to travel around and pretty popular in the south end (I think) of the city and you could join a club that uses bicycles to form friendships and good will. My tour guide belong to one of these clubs and they are quite popular at the time when I visit Hong Kong back then. Cooking clubs, Art Clubs, and other clubs that are also popular in Hong Kong and they are pretty low cost as well. I hope you get better and it's important to keep busy and have some balance in your life. Keep us in the loop and keep us informed. This is thoughtful and substantive advice, Caped Crusader. Just when I think your capacity for compassion and kindness must surely have reached its limit, you invariably surprise me. Total agree with your statement above! Caped Crusader has impressed me time & time again with his encouraging words!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2017 9:12:14 GMT -5
Phil Maurice ... I was checking my travel records and I visited Hong Kong in 2002 (not 2004) and I spent two weeks there enjoying that fascinating city and I've just wanted to thank you for your kind words about me. I also know that their are Pottery Clubs, Pai Gow Clubs (Chinese Dominos), and other clubs that BigPapaJoe could check into.
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Post by hondobrode on Oct 28, 2017 11:55:00 GMT -5
BigPapaJoeQuite a few of us have been in similar situations to some degree. One very important thing, at least to me, is a job. It sounds like you don't have one at the moment. Money can't buy you love, but it can sure help with stress and pressure; that's not to say you won't still have some, but it's not the same as not having cash flow. While you're applying to places and hunting for something, get involved with some kind of volunteerism. The activity will make you feel better, you'll connect with others, and possibly through that social network something will present itself to you. As far as working is concerned, I think sometimes we get too caught up in the quest for the perfect. I have a sister that's done that for years; finally, she started at a grain elevator, the furthest thing from her ideal job, and yet, the job helped give her some money and a sense of self-worth. In the meantime, she continued to hunt, until finally finding what sounds like a really good job in Minneapolis (the big city) and not small town Iowa. We're all happy for her and she's moving up next weekend. Like Phil Maurice said, things can turn on a dime. Don't give up. It sounds like you don't have a real choice in your housing options at the moment, but that can change with a job. You don't have to take the worst job out there, but sometimes even working any kind of job in itself will help you. I tell my kids : "The power of green (money) helps all other things". I'm not saying you have to be rich, cause you don't, but money buys opportunity, comfort, and pleasure. How is that not good ? It's no coincidence that currency is green, the color of life (plants). Working a job or searching for a job also gets you out of the house. BTW, I was shocked to read a year ago that only 3% of jobs are gotten off of the internet. I'm in sales and have been my whole life. I knock on doors every door. I'm not afraid of it and in fact embrace it. The good outweighs the bad 100 to 1, and the 1 doesn't phase me. Let it go and embrace the next 100. People LOVE the fact that I actually stop in and not call them or waste both our times with yet another e-mail. If you stop and nothing materializes immediately from it, never leave without asking if they know anyone else. It gets them thinking outside of their little reality bubble and sometimes I get calls days, weeks or even months later. I genuinely hope this helps. Another proven thing to help attitude is physical activity, even something as simple as taking a walk.
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Post by DE Sinclair on Oct 28, 2017 12:59:29 GMT -5
Good advice from all. We've always had a good group here. It's safe to say that probably all of us have had down times. I've been out of work a couple of times over the years and had the depression that comes with it. Keeping busy helps, even if it isn't working at a job. It's important to keep moving forward, keep your head down and plow ahead. It may not seem like it, but things will get better.
As to your wife, all you can do is talk to her and let her know how you feel. Hopefully she'll give you a little space, or at least re-phrase the requests.
And if talking about it here helps, by all means do so.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2017 22:36:16 GMT -5
Just got home from work, and getting ready for Champion City Comic Con tomorrow. Making my list, checking it twice, etc. etc. Going to be nice to be able to mingle with the local comics community tomorrow. Attending the after party pizza party and guest roast after the con too. Looking forward to checking out some new books by local creators and maybe getting some new commissions.
-M
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Post by BigPapaJoe on Oct 29, 2017 5:07:45 GMT -5
Hey. Thanks for the responses and feedback. I appreciate it. Perhaps I should have been a little more clear about my situation. I was trying to be vague because well you know, internet. But whatever.
- I don't live in Hong Kong. I live close to it. I live on the island of Macau. It's not a cosmopolitan. It's basically a tourist destination for mainland China citizens and anyone else than wants to come gamble. Macau is basically the Las Vegas of Asia. Tons of casinos. Place is an influx of Cantonese and Portuguese culture since it used to be a Portuguese colony. My wife's family is from Macau. I met her while we attended art university in California about 8 years ago. Her parents bought a house that we lived in for a while. My wife and I are both people that work from home. Except my wife has been working in her field, while I've still been trying to build up my skills to the point where I can get a job in mine. We moved to Macau a year ago, because I could tell my wife was getting tiresome of not being able to socialize with people. She doesn't drive (tried to get her to learn) and doesn't work at a facility with other people so she never got to know anyone. I could understand because she is someone that grew up in a house on an island with her family and friends which she was around every day. I was an only child and don't care if I interact with people. I prefer to be alone. Alas, I live in Macau now.
- I just got my citizenship here so I can get a job. But at the same time if I do that it will cut into my time to draw on a daily basis. If I don't draw, I can't get better. If I don't get better I can't work in comics/storyboarding. Also, the only kind of job I could probably get here would be in the service industry of some sort. That would probably be the same for the states too. I used to work retail for six years and unless I'm starving to death I'm not going back. I couldn't stand it, and interacting with strangers pretending to be nice in a subservient manner is just something I can't tolerate. Yeah I guess I should think about altering career paths at 30. Especially now that I have a son. But drawing is the only thing that I feel like I'm remotely capable of doing something with. I've invested a lot of time, albeit inconsistently.
- I don't really want to socialize with others. I don't mind being alone. I like it actually. My issue is not sticking with my goals because I'm afraid of failing. I can't see the big picture with anything. Maybe if I had an EXP meter I could check every day to see how far I'm progressing in certain aspects of life...or if I'm progressing at all, it would be helpful. Unfortunately that isn't the case. I remember hearing one time someone said not everyone is born to work hard. Maybe I'm one of those people.
- So I guess I don't know the endgame. I'm being supported by my wife's family, and really...I have the resources to get from point A to B. Yet I don't have the willpower. So it all crumbles. Perhaps it's time to let go of pipe dreams and live a life doing something I don't necessarily care to do. As for my wife, I've talked to her dozens of times. After having bouts of depression, I've tried to get her to understand. I still don't think she does. Unless you've experienced it yourself, you can't possibly understand. I've done "talking" and as illogical as it seems, I'm tired of sharing my issues with those that either don't understand or maybe they'll understand until they forget in a month and continue to ask yet again why I'm not drawing on certain days or what's wrong with me if I don't feel like talking for long periods of time. And no I won't see a doctor. I'll leave it that.
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Post by The Captain on Oct 29, 2017 19:21:06 GMT -5
This weekend has been a long, slow kick in the junk.
On Friday, a friend of mine lost his wife of 40 years unexpectedly. She'd had some minor health issues recently but nothing that signaled what was to come. After spending a couple of days in the hospital for what the doctors thought might be gout, she felt well enough on Thursday and went home, but on Friday morning, she texted him while he was at work to tell him she needed him to come home immediately. By the time he got there, she was unresponsive, and after an ambulance trip to the closest hospital and a Life Flight helicopter to a better facility, she was gone by the time they reached the second location. She wasn't even 60 yet.
My friend is a pastor and the director of a local non-profit that works in a severely-economically-depressed area just outside of Pittsburgh. They have four grown sons, all of whom have families, and later in life, they adopted three girls; one is 21 and profoundly disabled, while the others are only tweens. The younger girls are home-schooled, and she (their mother) was the primary caregiver for their older sister, who requires constant monitoring and care. She was also an active part in his organization, running a program for young and teenage girls and putting together a library in a town that didn't have one until she got there. Her presence is going to be missed by not only her family but also the community in which they live, a community far different than the one they left just 3 years ago when he led a mega-church in the South.
And yet, in all of the disbelief and grief and darkness, amazing things are happening. He, along with his daughters and some family that lives nearby, was at worship this morning, singing praises and giving thanks for the life he had with his wife and that he will continue to have with his sons and daughters. I've seen a community come together in barely more than 48 hours to plan not only a reception for the family but also a memorial service, and I've heard more people than I can count asking "what can I do" to help the family.
I know that Christians and Christianity have a bad reputation, and a lot of that is deserved, as there are many vocal individuals acting horribly in the name of God. However, there are far more who truly love people, who will walk not one mile as required but two miles, who will not only give a man their tunic but also their cloak, and who are there in times of tragedy to lift others up. This weekend has shown me not only the best side of Christians, but more importantly, what faith can do in someone's life even in the face of profound loss and sadness.
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Post by Icctrombone on Oct 29, 2017 20:01:29 GMT -5
BigPapaJoe, I have been married twice and both woman have suffered from depression. It causes you to underachieve and not see a way out. I do remember your past posts on this subject but didn't know what to say to give you comfort, just as I have had a loss of words for my former and current wife. Depression is a serious matter and must be fought. Also, I know a little about women and will say that a man who is inactive will lose their respect. Your marriage might be at stake. I'm typing this as a person who cares what happens to you. You have some choices to make. Be well, my friend.
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Post by Roquefort Raider on Oct 29, 2017 21:06:33 GMT -5
My mother’s victory or A reflection on what we leave behind.
I mentioned my mom’s health problems over the last year. She’s been battling cancer and it was touch and go for a while; after the surgical removal of a colon tumour last Spring she decided to move out of her house and live closer to my wife and I, a tough decision that re-energized her and decided her to undergo chemotherapy. She meant not to give up! I was very happy with her decision, and to see her embrace life again, even in the face of death.
Chemo didn’t go well. We almost lost her again last week. The hard truth is this: chemotherapy consists in pumping someone full of poisons that target fast-replicating cells, in the hope of destroying all the cancer cells before too many healthy cells die too. I compare it to bombing France to rid it of Nazis during WWII. The side effects were so terrible that mom decided to stop the treatment and finish her life in peace, instead of a humiliating state of debilitation. It’s just that much harder to endure such an ordeal when you’re 80 than when you’re, say, a spring chicken of 50.
But talking to her yesterday at the hospital and evoking the battles she was in during her life, and especially when she expressed her endless gratitude to the doctors and nurses that take care of her, I was struck by what a great victory she had achieved in this world.
See, my mom was always a progressive, a socialist. When she was young, and when her grandfather paid the studies of all his male grandchildren but nor hers (that was before free education), she managed to persevere. When she was one of the two female students in her university class and when people ho-humed about the idea of females in higher education, she persevered. She was among the followers of the philosophy of Abbé Pierre, who preached social equality and concrete work to make it happen. She actually met my father on a Student Works project, which consisted in repairing run-down appartments where lived the poorest of the poor.
She was among the first members of the Parti Québécois; in part because she really believed in Quebec independence (the cause of many an argument between my parents and I) but mostly because she believed in social democracy. She believed in free education, free medical care, a more equalitarian, just and fair society. One in which it is the people, and not just business interests, that makes the law.
And there, in her latter years, she gets to live in the kind of society she helped build. She receives excellent care not because she’s rich, but because everyone is entitled to such. Her doctors and nurses are not riddled with student debt. The same doctors and nurses, judging from their accents, come from half a dozen countries or more (and what a change that is from the stiffling Quebec from the 1950s), and all seem to genuinely care for their patients. They all behave as if we were family, which is what we are in the end.
Not everything is perfect in this Quebec of 2017, and nothing should be taken for granted. But when I think of the dreams that were my mother’s and father’s when they were 18 year old kids who wanted to change their society, and when I look at what they and like-minded people did to make it happen, I am humbly grateful.
Good job, mom. You did a heck of a job.
And here’s hoping you’ll get to enjoy its fruits for a few more years.
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Post by Prince Hal on Oct 29, 2017 22:00:09 GMT -5
My mother’s victory or A reflection on what we leave behind. I mentioned my mom’s health problems over the last year. She’s been battling cancer and it was touch and go for a while; after the surgical removal of a colon tumour last Spring she decided to move out of her house and live closer to my wife and I, a tough decision that re-energized her and decided her to undergo chemotherapy. She meant not to give up! I was very happy with her decision, and to see her embrace life again, even in the face of death. Chemo didn’t go well. We almost lost her again last week. The hard truth is this: chemotherapy consists in pumping someone full of poisons that target fast-replicating cells, in the hope of destroying all the cancer cells before too many healthy cells die too. I compare it to bombing France to rid it of Nazis during WWII. The side effects were so terrible that mom decided to stop the treatment and finish her life in peace, instead of a humiliating state of debilitation. It’s just that much harder to endure such an ordeal when you’re 80 than when you’re, say, a spring chicken of 50. But talking to her yesterday at the hospital and evoking the battles she was in during her life, and especially when she expressed her endless gratitude to the doctors and nurses that take care of her, I was struck by what a great victory she had achieved in this world. See, my mom was always a progressive, a socialist. When she was young, and when her grandfather paid the studies of all his male grandchildren but nor hers (that was before free education), she managed to persevere. When she was one of the two female students in her university class and when people ho-humed about the idea of females in higher education, she persevered. She was among the followers of the philosophy of Abbé Pierre, who preached social equality and concrete work to make it happen. She actually met my father on a Student Works project, which consisted in repairing run-down appartments where lived the poorest of the poor. She was among the first members of the Parti Québécois; in part because she really believed in Quebec independence (the cause of many an argument between my parents and I) but mostly because she believed in social democracy. She believed in free education, free medical care, a more equalitarian, just and fair society. One in which it is the people, and not just business interests, that makes the law. And there, in her latter years, she gets to live in the kind of society she helped build. She receives excellent care not because she’s rich, but because everyone is entitled to such. Her doctors and nurses are not riddled with student debt. The same doctors and nurses, judging from their accents, come from half a dozen countries or more (and what a change that is from the stiffling Quebec from the 1950s), and all seem to genuinely care for their patients. They all behave as if we were family, which is what we are in the end. Not everything is perfect in this Quebec of 2017, and nothing should be taken for granted. But when I think of the dreams that were my mother’s and father’s when they were 18 year old kids who wanted to change their society, and when I look at what they and like-minded people did to make it happen, I am humbly grateful. Good job, mom. You did a heck of a job. And here’s hoping you’ll get to enjoy its fruits for a few more years. I don't have the words, Ben. Yours is an eloquence born of wisdom and humility. Nobility like your mother's (and yours) is what continues to save us from the fate we have deserved for milennia. It shines like a beacon in the abyss. Thank you, Ben. Every little drop of hope in days like these replenishes us; you and your mother have showered hope upon us.
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Post by hondobrode on Oct 29, 2017 22:48:58 GMT -5
Roquefort RaiderI choked up a little reading your beautiful post, Ben. Of course you're proud of your mother and I'm sure she's proud of you too. I wish the world had more people of your parents' caliber.
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Post by hondobrode on Oct 29, 2017 22:52:17 GMT -5
The CaptainCaptain, I'm so saddened to read about your friends. What has happened is truly horrible and unfair; of course, we all know that life itself is not fair. I'm very happy that your faith and Christianity is a strength to you and the others that are helping. The values that Christianity teaches are exemplary and whether it's Christianity or something else entirely, those values are the values that give us the strength in a cruel and cold world to come together as best we can to value and help each other. Be well, and thanks for sharing with us.
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Confessor
CCF Mod Squad
Not Bucky O'Hare!
Posts: 10,043
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Post by Confessor on Oct 30, 2017 2:15:12 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Oct 30, 2017 6:31:30 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing all of this and I'm kind of impressed by your understanding Roquefort Raider and your compassion for others are exemplary The Captain. Compassion here in this thread is evident and that's a beautiful thing to see and thanks for doing this Members and we all need to support one's another.
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Post by BigPapaJoe on Oct 30, 2017 7:19:56 GMT -5
BigPapaJoe , I have been married twice and both woman have suffered from depression. It causes you to underachieve and not see a way out. I do remember your past posts on this subject but didn't know what to say to give you comfort, just as I have had a loss of words for my former and current wife. Depression is a serious matter and must be fought. Also, I know a little about women and will say that a man who is inactive will lose their respect. Your marriage might be at stake. I'm typing this as a person who cares what happens to you. You have some choices to make. Be well, my friend. Thanks for the response. Thinking back on what I've said here...essentially laying out most of it on the table, I guess I'm not expecting the magic words of wisdom that will exorcise my personal demons. That would be asking too much of anyone. Especially strangers. Anyways, whether you have some feedback to give or not, it's nice to know listened to what I had to say.
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