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Post by adamwarlock2099 on Nov 22, 2022 9:05:50 GMT -5
One of our problems is that she will go through periods of insomnia (especially since she has been in menopause) and the longer she goes without sleeping, the more extreme and irrational her behavior becomes. Then, she does things like send hateful, irrational attacks via e-mail/facebook, or phone messages, then apologize when she is more rational. Problem is, many people have heard it too many times. She has done that with her son and sister, to the point the weren't speaking. I have been in touch with both and let them know what has happened and they are supportive. he sister talked to her yesterday, but, the last I knew, the son had not, though I have kept him in the loop. They have had years of it, I have had 15 years of it, though it has been more the last ten that have been more difficult. Part of my frustration with this cycle of medical assistance is the real lack of anyone addressing the mental health aspect, other than getting her on her bipolar medication. It's far too common an issue, especially as mental health issues have grown, with COVID isolation, world events, fractured politics and such. It is a real public health crisis that government isn't willing to face. Yeah my wife's sleeping cycle is an issue as well. I didn't hear from her all day yesterday, to come home to her sleeping, never woke up and was still asleep when I got up at 5am this morning. But this could be the result of many many nights of not sleeping. I don't know as I don't have that luxury with my work schedule and need to sleep at night. One of the things that makes shouldering all this difficult is I have to try and shield our boys from this behavior of hers. Just this past weekend she got heated with me over this woman with our youngest boy (this brother is in college now) just in next room while she's throwing marriage breaking accusations with me, and I had to herd her outside to continue the conversation. I don't feel like I can broach the subject with any of her family as of yet. So I do appreciate you discussing it with me, as I really don't know where else to go. And I agree with your sentiments regarding mental health issues over physical health issues. We have tried to get disability multiple times since she can not hold a job and been denied every time. Couple that with all you mentioned all she gets is her bipolar medication from a primary caregiver that is a medical doctor, not a psychologist or therapist. She does try to help my wife along the way but it's not her field of expertise and we pay out of pocket for her services due to politics in recent years. I feel helpless to do anything for her. Which makes me want to drink more. Which isn't healthy for me. Mind or body. But it's all I know to do.
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Post by codystarbuck on Nov 24, 2022 0:47:33 GMT -5
Things aren't looking good, on the homefront. My wife is still struggling with her lungs and the fact that she can't move around much isn't helping her improve. Also, her mental state is such that she has pretty much given up on things and is pretty much encouraging death to come. I was given her medical power of attorney and she made clear her desires, as far as treatment goes. She will not go on a respirator and she has refused some medicines. They give her Mucinex, to break things up; but, it causes her to choke and she refused it, tonight. She is on a bipap mask, to blow more oxygen in; but, she is really only working on one lung and it struggles because her weight is on it, since she has to lay on her right side, to avoid pain from her deteriorated discs.
I spoke with a couple of nurses and they prepared me for the worst. It's not exactly imminent; but, she isn't improving.
Really, her physical health is reflecting her mental health, which has not been good, for some time. I think the stay in the nursing home, brief that it was, really pushed her over the edge, though she got herself in this state through her depression and drinking to numb physical and emotional pain.
I just feel helpless, because I can't give her the will to fight and she hates being physically helpless, but isn't emotionally capable of continuing to fight. I spent all evening sitting with her, holding her hand, trying to understand what she was saying to me, through her mask. I talked with her son and he is trying to come down, but has issues with transport. He talked to her via my phone.
I just try to do what I have always done, when I have had to take her to the Emergency Room or when her mother died; I just try to remain calm and even keeled, so that she remains calm and can relax and not cause her body more problems.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2022 8:22:31 GMT -5
Happy Thanksgiving to all those in the US (or elsewhere) that are celebrating.
-M
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Post by Icctrombone on Nov 24, 2022 8:47:54 GMT -5
Things aren't looking good, on the homefront. My wife is still struggling with her lungs and the fact that she can't move around much isn't helping her improve. Also, her mental state is such that she has pretty much given up on things and is pretty much encouraging death to come. I was given her medical power of attorney and she made clear her desires, as far as treatment goes. She will not go on a respirator and she has refused some medicines. They give her Mucinex, to break things up; but, it causes her to choke and she refused it, tonight. She is on a bipap mask, to blow more oxygen in; but, she is really only working on one lung and it struggles because her weight is on it, since she has to lay on her right side, to avoid pain from her deteriorated discs. I spoke with a couple of nurses and they prepared me for the worst. It's not exactly imminent; but, she isn't improving. Really, her physical health is reflecting her mental health, which has not been good, for some time. I think the stay in the nursing home, brief that it was, really pushed her over the edge, though she got herself in this state through her depression and drinking to numb physical and emotional pain. I just feel helpless, because I can't give her the will to fight and she hates being physically helpless, but isn't emotionally capable of continuing to fight. I spent all evening sitting with her, holding her hand, trying to understand what she was saying to me, through her mask. I talked with her son and he is trying to come down, but has issues with transport. He talked to her via my phone. I just try to do what I have always done, when I have had to take her to the Emergency Room or when her mother died; I just try to remain calm and even keeled, so that she remains calm and can relax and not cause her body more problems. This is a terrible period in your life, Cody. I'm so sorry and I am praying for you to have strength no matter the outcome.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 24, 2022 8:52:02 GMT -5
I echo what Icctrombone has said, Cody. I can’t imagine how tough it is.
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Post by Cei-U! on Nov 24, 2022 9:11:03 GMT -5
So sorry you and your wife have to go through this, cody. I can't imagine how difficult and traumatic being in your situation must be. Remember, we're all here for you.
Cei-U! (Kurt)
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Post by Calidore on Nov 24, 2022 10:09:43 GMT -5
Very sorry, codystarbuck. It matters that she has a strong person on her side.
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Post by Batflunkie on Nov 24, 2022 10:32:24 GMT -5
Happy thanksgiving guys and gals~
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2022 12:20:11 GMT -5
Not sure if anyone else is going to watch the England vs USA World Cup match which kicks off in just under 2 hours but we turned it into a big BBQ event at the bar...with England having more supporters and most of the US supporters being women who seem to know more about the rules of the game than big, hardback guys who look on in awe...I'm heading off now.
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Post by codystarbuck on Nov 25, 2022 23:43:43 GMT -5
Thanksgiving was relatively stable and I was able to take a break and have dinner with my brother and sister-in-law, before going back to the hospital. I was actually intending to go in and work my shift today, until I got to the hospital and my wife could not swallow her oral medications or even water. The doctor was consulted and came in to talk to me. She laid it on the line that the only way they could feed her nutrients and some medicines was to insert a feeding tube, through the nasal cavity. My wife agreed, though she wasn't thrilled and it was done, though she fought it and was nauseous, until a medication to ease that took effect. They were able to feed her and also take X-rays, as well as change her linens and clean her up. She fought being moved, because of her back pain, which is pretty much what has inhibited her treatment, from day one. The only comfortable position is on her right side, which is a large factor in why her right lung is deteriorated and not really functioning. It also inhibits the function of the left and its ability to heal. Really, this is the last ditch effort, before we move into hospice; and, I got the impression, from listening to the nurses, that it is more to get her through the weekend and then evaluate, on Monday. It didn't sound hopeful and I have lost any optimism I had. As soon as the doctor talked to me, I texted my boss to say I wasn't going in after all.
Her son is coming down tomorrow, to see her and pretty much say goodbye. Her sister was going to come down; but she has bronchitis, right now, though we have kept her informed.
Without the tube, she was barely eating anything but jello or pudding and her blood sugar level would drop. We had to give her juice, Thursday, and also glucose, intravenously, to get it up. Without the bipap machine, her oxygen levels drop heavily.
At this point, unless there is miraculous improvement, by Monday, I believe we will be moving into hospice and the prognosis didn't sound like that would be very long. Sadly, this is exactly what she was wanting, when she was in the throes of the alcohol consumption and depression. She actually said, a couple of times, that she didn't think it would be long, based on how her stomach was feeling and her bathroom emissions, which turned out to be the irritation and bleeding in her GI tract, which got her to the hospital. I would argue, plead, and yell at her to stop drinking and get help, to try to hold onto the love she has for her grandkids and the possibilities that medicine is discovering and developing; but, her brain just wouldn't accept it, until too late.
All things considered, I am glad it is taking place in the hospital and not that nursing home she was at. It would still be better if she was able to pass, in peace, at home; but, I will take the hospital over that @#$%-hole any day. I have always supported a national health system; but, my fifteen years of seeing what passes for healthcare, when you don't have money or really good insurance, really made me a loud advocate. At least Medicare and Medicaid got her access to the level she had, though it has been so badly undermined, in the last 30-40 years as to be criminal.
Sorry to bring anyone down; but, I just needed to unload, a bit. Once I get the steam out, I can focus on doing what I can, for her.
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Post by impulse on Nov 26, 2022 19:05:16 GMT -5
So sorry you are going through this, Cody. I hope whatever peace and comfort is possible goes to you and your family.
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Post by Calidore on Nov 26, 2022 19:32:20 GMT -5
Sorry to bring anyone down; but, I just needed to unload, a bit. Once I get the steam out, I can focus on doing what I can, for her.
Unload freely. I can't imagine dealing with what you're dealing with without being able to vent somewhere.
No idea what else I can say. I hope things go as best they possibly can, whatever that may mean.
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Post by codystarbuck on Nov 26, 2022 23:57:29 GMT -5
Sorry to bring anyone down; but, I just needed to unload, a bit. Once I get the steam out, I can focus on doing what I can, for her.
Unload freely. I can't imagine dealing with what you're dealing with without being able to vent somewhere.
No idea what else I can say. I hope things go as best they possibly can, whatever that may mean.
At this point, I just want for her to be at peace. They are going to evaluate on Monday; but, I don't think there is much more they can do for her, except make her comfortable and help her pass peacefully. Her son and grandsons arrived today, which was a big thing for her.
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Roquefort Raider
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Post by Roquefort Raider on Nov 27, 2022 8:20:12 GMT -5
Thanks for sharing with us, Cody. I can't think of anything helpful to say, but you're in my thoughts and I admire your fortitude. Hang in there, friend.
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Post by codystarbuck on Nov 27, 2022 9:33:05 GMT -5
I don't know about fortitude; I just learned to accept what I can't change, a long time ago. It got me through the death of my parents and a beloved cat, who I held while his breath slowly stopped. All life ends.
I had a moment, yesterday. I was looking at Youtube and played Pete Townsend's "Let My Love Open the Door," and broke down and cried. When we were first dating, Barb came over to my place and I cooked dinner for her, with some music playing. That song (the later version, from the Grosse Pointe Blank soundtrack) was playing and it I told her that it was how I felt about our relationship. I hadn't dated through high school and was fixed up a couple of times in college, which didn't go very well, and not again until I was 30 and hooked up with a woman I worked with, for a brief time. We met through on-line dating and we hit it off from the start. She really did "open the door, to my heart."
It was rough watching her son start crying when he saw his mom lying in the hospital bed, with a mask to help her breath and tubes going into her body.
I'm headed back to the hospital, now.
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