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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2017 7:58:39 GMT -5
Loving your stories and the last one is a keeper and it's really builds on the dynamic and loved the boulder scene and the super speed scene of where Clark was making sure that his clothes are fine and all. Thanks for sharing these stories and I've been treasuring these and looking forward to them ... Thanks Duragizer!
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Post by Duragizer on Jun 16, 2018 3:47:42 GMT -5
I've thoroughly re-edited this screenplay. Most of the changes were minor; rewording of dialogue and such. The only significant change I made was to Kryptonian naming conventions.
I decided Kryptonian daughters inheriting their fathers' surnames was a bit too patriarchal for such an advanced society. I changed it so Kara is now Kara-Ze of the House of Ze instead of Kara-El of the House of El. In keeping with this change, the S-shield is now the crest of the House of Ze; the House of El's crest is now a stylized sun.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2018 10:07:18 GMT -5
Your last story is full of visual impact and nicely put together.
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Post by Duragizer on Sept 2, 2018 17:31:59 GMT -5
I’m considering revising the beginning. I’ve been feeling lately that it reveals too much of Krypton and Kryptonian culture; perhaps it would be a stronger experience if the reader better shared in Clark’s journey, learning about his heritage as he does.
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Post by Duragizer on Sept 8, 2018 1:58:01 GMT -5
I went ahead and revised the beginning. Kara is now an unidentified character, and she makes the trip to Earth in a ship, same as Clark; everything with the Phantom Zone has been jettisoned. I’ve begun revising the remainder of the script to bring it in line with the new beginning; everything up to and including this entry has been updated; everything past that point has yet to be revised. The forthcoming revisions are going to be significant; most everything with Kara’s arrival on Earth and the Fortress of Solitude are going to be overhauled. Also, Brainiac likely won’t figure into the story like I originally planned. With the revisions I have in mind, I simply don’t see a way I can include him without it feeling forced & unnatural. Luthor will be the only antagonist going forward. |
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Post by Duragizer on Sept 9, 2018 21:47:02 GMT -5
I made further revisions to the beginning. Kara & Clark are now part of a larger (and largely unsuccessful) Kryptonian exodus. The reasons for this change will be revealed later.
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Post by Duragizer on Sept 14, 2018 19:41:49 GMT -5
The revisions are finished. One notable change is yet another alteration to the nature of the S-shield; instead of being any type of family crest, I now perceive it as either a symbol representing Krypton, a Raoist religious symbol, or both.
I should be getting started on a new entry soon. Luthor'll likely make his appearance next. I've also figured out a way to include Brainiac in the story after all. That's a good thing, 'cause the ending I have in mind would be difficult to execute if he isn't involved.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2018 1:50:12 GMT -5
The revisions are finished. One notable change is yet another alteration to the nature of the S-shield; instead of being any type of family crest, I now perceive it as either a symbol representing Krypton, a Raoist religious symbol, or both. I should be getting started on a new entry soon. Luthor'll likely make his appearance next. I've also figured out a way to include Brainiac in the story after all. That's a good thing, 'cause the ending I have in mind would be difficult to execute if he isn't involved. I love the way that you add more characters -- Luthor and Brainiac -- Cool! |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2018 4:09:52 GMT -5
Well written ... it's funny to see some interesting changes Lieutenant Colonel for Lex Luthor. It's going to be a fun read from now on.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2018 3:14:31 GMT -5
Great Story and this has a nice flow and very descriptive and shows emotions and the actions alone speaks for themselves.
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Post by Duragizer on Jan 14, 2019 0:15:57 GMT -5
The more I thought about it, the sooner I realized Luthor's introduction happens too late after Linda's arrival; it's like several weeks pass between the government's discovery of Linda's ship and Luthor being informed about its existence. To tighten the timeline, his introduction has been relocated HERE, and new Luthor scenes have been added HERE and HERE. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2019 4:04:49 GMT -5
Loved this scene ... very 50's style of you mentioning the Sweater here and quite descriptive and nicely done here. The ending of Clark learning that she has been seeing Pete for two weeks shows the insecurity of Clark here and that's alone makes him Human. That's a nice touch here.
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Post by Duragizer on Mar 22, 2019 2:52:46 GMT -5
Lately I've begun experiencing "purist pangs", and now I'm considering changing Kara/Linda into a different female Kryptonian unrelated to Supergirl. Just a heads-up.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2019 20:14:34 GMT -5
After April of this year; I'll be taking a month long vacation and I'll be here on limited capacity and I'll try to read your stories the first chance I get Duragizer ... because I enjoy reading them very much!  |
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Post by Duragizer on Mar 30, 2019 3:55:14 GMT -5
Finished the latest set of touch-ups to the script. They are as follow: - Krypton is now identified as Krypton (figured keeping the planet's name a mystery was pointless)
- Kara/Linda has been changed to Luma-Lyn (a character inspired by Luma Lynai)
- Mrs. Bogdanove is now Miss Maggin
- Lana's mother's name has been changed from Carol to Sarah (the character's name pre-Crisis)
- Lana's father's name has been changed from Thomas to Lewis (ditto)
- Nell's name has been changed to Helen (the character's name post-Crisis)
- Removed Luthor's scenes (I've decided to place his introduction in Act II instead)
I've also decided to retool my original plot somewhat. I've decided against making Luthor a military officer; I'll be making him a weapons scientist/defense conglomerate magnate instead. Also, Brainiac won't be making an appearance; a different character will serve as secondary antagonist (I won't reveal who just yet). My apologies for these disorienting changes. |
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