Ice Pirates is friggin' awesome.

The Last Starfighter was good fun which like Tron fueled the fantasy that video game expertise just might come in handy for saving the world. It would be a perfect kids movie except for the Playboy reference.

I have similar issues with otherwise great "kids" films like The Goonies and E.T. that felt realism demanded vulgarity. That just wasn't part of my life growing up, and I don't want it normed for my kids either. I have enough "we don't talk like that" issues just withwhat they take away from  Calvin and Hobbes.

Oh the 1980's science fiction/fantasy movies. Gems like Space Pirates, Last Starfighter, Remo Williams, Robocop, the Thing, Predator, Terminator, Tron, Escape From New York, Outland, Re-Animator, Scanners, Battle Beyond the Stars and all the others like them really are nothing more than great B movie escapism dressed up for looking like A movies. For me all the above carry so much more heart and entertainment in the long run than the biggies like Star Wars/Trek, Dune, Aliens, Blade Runner and their like. B movie's go that little bit of extra distance, usually starting with lesser effects budgeting so the emphasis moves to story, character and spotlights for those actors willing to risk themselves.

Many a great B movie has tons more reasons for watching them over and over than any A movie at times. Just turn your brain off from the "reality" of making sense and instead give in to the inner 5 year old who simply accepts it all and has the most fun ever watching these B movies. Growing up, for every Sunday night BIG movie watching with the family I had just as much fun sitting up late on Friday nights watching B and C level horror movies in black and white or Saturday mornings with our local World Beyond science fiction movie show and the Saturday afternoon B westerns. Pure fun you enjoyed watching over and over since they repeated these movies fairly often on 3 month cycle and you saw them several times in a year. 

In 1984, after a decade of appeasement to the Commie world, America finally had a president who stood up to the Russkies and scared the crap out of 'em. This cowboy was ready to blow them away faster than Slim Pickens riding a warhead. So, them sneaky sons of Mother Russia flew a bunch of paratroopers all the way across from Russia, across the DEW Line, down through oh-so polite Canada (Careful now, eh?) and dropped them right over Colorado, next to the high school. Well, them Russkie got a big ol' surprise when them boys grabbed their guns and showed them some Murican guts!



In a year of dumb movies, amid a decade of dumb action movies, this is probably the most ridiculous, but in such an endearing way. It helps that director John Milius is bat-s@#$ insane and a damn good writer (Kevin Reynolds is credited with story and co-writing the screenplay, but Milius' fingers are all over the thing), which makes it so entertaining. The film is pure wish fulfillment for every hawk who griped about hippies, liberals and peaceniks selling out the country everyone who wanted the US to win a "good war" again, or anyone who liked to see things blowed up real good! Leaving all that aside, the film is well constructed, makes you care about the characters (as thinly sketched as most of them are), doesn't totally go into Rambo fantasy territory (it's The Big Red One, compared to Commando), and has some story logic to it.

The basic premise is this: on a quiet fall afternoon (looks like the fall, maybe very early spring) at the local high school, classes are interrupted by men parachuting to the ground. It takes time for people to notice, then they see soldiers in strange uniforms forming up and a teacher goes outside to see what is going on and is gunned down in front of watching eyes. Tehn, they fire on the school. Mayhem ensues and some of the students take off, including Charlie Sheen and C Thomas Howell. Charlie's brother, Patrick Swayze, turns up just in time (for no good reason, it must be said) and gets them all into his pick up truck and tears off, avoiding the world's worst aimed RPG rocket. They get to a local convenience store (this being Colorado, it carries firearms and ammunition, right next to the beef jerky and slurpee machine) and they load up on food, sleeping bags, weapons, ammo and possibly pornography (it's lonely in the mountains) and head off to the mountains to hide. The Eckert Boys (Swayze and Sheen) have hunted and camped all their lives, so they help the woosie city boys survive, until they sneak back into town and find out from Ben Johnson that the whole town is under the control of the USSR and Cuba. They go further in and poke around and find out their father, Harry Dean Stanton, is in a "re-education camp", awaiting a firing squad. He tells them to get out and don't come back, to consider him dead, then yells at them to avenge him, which the deaf guards fail to hear and stop the boys for questioning, because, dumb Roosians! They go back, help out a pair of girls who have escaped things (Jennifer Grey and Leah Thompson), then launch their own guerrilla war against the Russian soldiers in a rousing scene that had audiences cheering...



Audiences literally stood up and cheered. You have to remember the times; America got it's nose busted up in Vietnam and no one came out of it unscathed. Veterans were treated like pariahs by everyday citizens and even within veteran's organizations, like the VFW. Watergate made things worse and the US looked weak with the Iran Hostage Crisis dragging on for over a year, with the failed rescue attempt making our military look impotent. The Soviets invaded Afghanistan and it seemed like all the US could do was protest (apart from arming the mujahadeen and fighting a proxy war against the Soviets, which would come back to haunt us in 2001). The one bright shining moment had been defeating the Russians in hockey, at the Lake Placid Olympics. Ronald Reagan ran on a platform of restoring America's importance in the world, a return to the era where America was a dominant superpower (which hadn't really changed, but it sure didn't feel that way) and a revitalization of the economy and beefing up our armed forces to face new threats. It was a reaction to the Vietnam era and the chaos of the 70s, which had really started around the Bicentennial, as patriotism became en vogue again. John Milius was definitely a Reagan kind of guy and this is a Reagan kind of film.

Powers Boothe turns up as an F-15 pilot, shot down in a dogfight, who is found by the Wolverines and joins them on their attacks, helping to teach them some basic infantry tactics (which doesn't really work, if you think about it too much, as Air Force pilots are trained to think in aerial terms, not infantry tactics. It would have made more sense if he had been a Marine pilot, as they must go through The Basic School, where they receive infantry officer training, before going off to flight school). Of course, he isn't going to make it to the end, because he wasn't featured on the poster. As time goes by and the Wolverines prove to be a major nuisance, the Russians bring in a SPETSNAZ (Russian special forces), led by William Smith (Conan's pop) to hunt them down, leading to an ambush with a Hind gunship....



This decimates their ranks and leads to the finale, with a whole lot of death and one Cuban professional soldier.

There is so much absurdity in this film, if you stop watching long enough to process. These kids have no military training, yet are able to master Soviet weapons easily. Now, an AK-47 is pretty simple to use and is made to stand up to a lot of abuse. That's one thing; but, they are using RPGs and crew-served, heavy machine guns. That takes training. The average person is not easily going to load an ammo belt into a .50 cal machine gun, especially a Soviet one. Also, loading and arming RPG rockets. It makes a bit more sense after they meet Boothe; but, they are kicking Ruskie ass long before he enters the picture. The Russians are show to be inept and easy targets, despite being combat veterans from Afghanistan. Even if they weren't veterans, they are trained soldiers, who drill constantly in weapons and tactics, not high school kids who have gone deer hunting. The kids know the land; but, that only gets you into survival while hiding. That doesn't turn you into guerrilla fighters. Not without leadership and creative thinking.

The biggest absurdity is the Russians fly in, disguised as Aeroflot commercial flights. All commercial flights are heavily tracked, especially those originating in a hostile country. They have to file a flight plan and any plan that takes them across Canada into the Colorado Rockies is going to be questioned by both Canadian authorities and the FAA. Fighters would have been scrambled the first time they deviated from their flight plan. There is also the DEW Line, which had more detection equipment than in any part of the world, precisely to catch any attempt by the Soviets to invade North American airspace, via Alaska or Canada. Yet somehow, they get into Colorado intact. Leaving that aside, there is no good reason for them to be in Colorado, except maybe the Cheyenne Mountain NORAD installation, which is buried under tons of rock and which isn't sitting near some small town high school. It would take a far larger force than could be airdropped by the Soviets to take that facility. For one thing, they couldn't transport enough armor to support the paratroops. You can't load many armored personnel carriers in a cargo plane, let alone tanks. You need sea power to deliver enough to make a difference. The Russians didn't have that, in any capacity.

So, don't apply logic or the film isn't much fun. Besides, this is pure fantasy, built around the metaphor of Afghanistan. The tactics employed by the Wolverines reflected actual mujahadeen attacks on the Russians, using horses to move through the mountains, firing CIA-supplied Stinger ground-to-air missiles at Russian Mi-24 Hind gunships, attacking with explosives and small arms, then running away. It also reflected Russian tactics of hunting guerrilla units, using coordinated ground and air units, especially the Hind gunships, which could insert a hunting team and then provide heavy close air support. The Hinds were the main reason the CIA supplied the Stingers to the mujahadeen, as they were getting wiped out, as captured RPGs could not easily be used against helicopters (though the Somalis figured how to do that, when they shot down a US helicopter, leading to the Blackhawk Down rescue operation/fiasco).

Although the film is very Conservative (New republic listed it as one of their Top 5 Conservative films), it also found support on the Left, for depicting resistance against an Imperial Power, ala the maquis and Partisans in WW2. Libertarians have praised it as being anti-State. Really, it is crafted so that most viewers probably read their own politics into it. It's a pretty basic outsiders attack small community and a group fights back. They could be settlers in the Old West, partisans in WW2, or colonists in space, attacked by aliens. In fact, that is closer to the origin of the film.

Kevin Reynolds conceived the film as a near future story, called Ten Soldiers, about an invasion that leads 10 children (or youths) to run off into the mountains to hide, where they grow and learn to fight. An MGM exec recalled the story as being an anti-war Lord of the Flies, designed to be more of an art house film, on a smaller budget, focusing on the characters. MGM was the one who changed things and brought Milius in, for $1.25 million and a "gun of his choice." The project had an enthusiastic supporter on the MGM board, General Al "I'm in Charge" Haig. He saw this as a metaphor for depicting the fight against the Soviets and Communism and introduced Milius to the Conservative Hudson Institute, where Haig and others developed the scenario of the Soviets attacking via air, overflying Alaska and Canada, and a Leftist government in Mexico allowing troops from Nicaragua to invade the Southwestern US, cutting the nation in two. Even Milius thought Haig took it too far and was insane (as did most in Washington, at one time or another). Milius saw it as an anti-war film, by showing the cost of war (despite glorifying things with scenes of heroic bloodshed) and the toll it would take on the average community, which hadn't seen such things. The Pentagon withdrew support for filming, likely due to how ineffective the US military is made to look in the film, more than any political considerations. The studio's ad campaign made the erroneous and insulting claim that no foreign invader has ever occupied US soil, which ignored the Japanese invasion of the Aleutian Islands, as well as the capture of US territories in Guam, Wake Island and the Philippines. It would have been more correct, though overly complex to claim it was the first outside invasion of the contiguous 48 States since the War of 1812 (Mexican War doesn't count as that was fought around territory that had belonged to Mexico, before Americans moved in).

The actors do a fine job, though they had some complaints about the final cut of the film. Powers Boothe felt the editing undercut his character, who he saw as being anti-war, though Conservative and a love scene between Boothe and Lea Thompson, one of her motivating factors to do the film, was cut out due to the age difference. Despite that, the cast is uniformly good top great, carrying out their assigned roles, from Swayze the leader, to Sheen his support, to C Thomas Howell as the vengeful killer who loses his humanity, the mayor's kid who is out of his depth, the scared little kid and the two women, who survived what was likely to be rape. Boothe is a wiser older, professional voice trying to teach the kids that there is more to war than killing, while Ben Johnson is another wise voice that helps them. William Smith is the tough, creative professional sent to hunt themn and Superfly, himself, Ron O'Neal is the sympathetic professional Cuban colonel who tries to do his job as humanely as possible and just wants to make it home to his family.

This film is so 80s that it has a power tie and shoulder pads. It has a dark sense of humor, engaging characters, a well-crafted script and pulls you in, even if you don't buy into its politics or have an aversion to violence. It is a total guilty pleasure movie and feels like something that sprang out of the old gung ho war comics of the 50s, rather than the more thoughtful ECs or Blazing Combat, or DC's Sgt Rock or Enemy Ace. This is Commies Bad, Americans Good and proof that the Second Amendment is why all other nations fear to invade American soil (that and the cost of medical treatment here). I confess that as a 17 year old recent graduate, about to head off to college and NROTC training, I saw this several times and reveled in it and cheered when the Wolverines pop out of their spider holes. That said, it didn't take too long in ROTC for grow up enough to recognize the film for what it was-escapist fantasy with a strong Conservative point of view, from a strongly Conservative political era. It was Hollywood taking an interesting idea and running it through their ADD heads and churning out gonzo silliness, which made for big bucks in the summer movie season.

Still, these Wolverines were more badass than Logan!

I tried to watch Red Dawn with my teen son a few months ago. But we did not make it far. I guess it is of its time.

Before Red Dawn and Conan, John Milius would direct a historical adventure film, about a Moroccan bandit who kidnaps an American, prompting Teddy Roosevelt to send warships and Marines to free them. Sounds right up his alley, right? The film was called The Wind and the Lion and stars Sean Connery, Candace Bergen, and Brian Kieth as Roosevelt....



In 1904, in Tangier, Mulai Ahmer er Raisuli leads his band of men, on horseback, into the home of American Eden Pedicaris and her two children, killing an English friend and servants and kidnapping the family, riding off into the mountains with them. He demands a ransom of $70,000 for them, and the dismissal of corrupt officials of the Sultan and freedom for the people of the Rif. The Sultan is receiving advice and bribes from the Germans and French, but Teddy Roosevelt, undergoing re-election, is angered and demands their release, sending warships from the South Atlantic Squadron, with a contingent of the Marines. The Raisuli seeks to embarrass the Sultan, who is corrupt and comes to charm Eden and her children, both with his convictions and his personality. The Marines land and act to force negotiations, during which Eden and the children escape, only to be taken by real bandits. Raisuli rescues them but is captured by the Moroccans and their German advisors. Eden forces the Marine captain to rescue Raisuli to keep Roosevelt's word that nothing would happen to Raisuli if the Pedicaris' were freed. The Marines end up fighting with Raisuli's people, against the Moroccans and Germans.

Now, I said historical adventure film and this is based on history. Mulai Ahmed er raisuli was a real person, leader of Berber tribes in the Rif, in Morocco, who was at odds with the Sultan and a corrupt government. Their were European powers attempting to gain influence over the Sultan. Teddy Roosevelt was president and did dispatch warships. Pedicaris was released. However, Milius embellishes things, to the point of it being nearly pure fiction, starting with the victim. In the film, this is the Pedicaris who was kidnapped.....



along with her children...



In reality, this is the Pedicaris that was kidnapped....



along with his stepson...



This is the film Raisuli...


(a Scotsman on a horse...)

and the actual Raisuli.....


(My name is Raisuli, Mulai Ahmad er Raisuli)

Not quite so romantic, is it?

Roosevelt did dispatch warships, backed up by a British torpedo boat and two Spanish ships, because Spain believed the US might force the Moroccans to cede them a port, to use as a base in the Mediterranean. Raisuli had kidnapped Moroccan officials and a few Europeans before, ransoming them back and embarrassing the Sultan. Pedicaris was a leading figure in the expatriate community. Raisuli's men knocked out servants and took Pedicaris and stepson, Cromwell Varley, but killed no one and left mrs Pedicaris (Varley's mother) behind. Ion Pedicaris was about 64, at the time. They were well treated and grew to like raisuli. The UIS tried to put pressure on Morocco to accede to the demands, while trying to enlist the British and French, who stayed out of it. The Germans had no presence there. The US landed a total of 6 Marines, 4 armed with sidearms to protect Ellen Pedicaris and the US Consulate, and 2 more were dispatched to protect the Belgian Legation. The only plan for the Marines was to sieze the Moroccan Custom's House, to force them to negotiate. It was never enacted, as Morocco gave in and Pedicaris w and Varley were released, unharmed. Roosevelt used it as propaganda which aided his successful re-election.

Milius chucks most of reality out and turns it into a story from the pages of the Argosy, with Berber tribesmen kidnapping a Western woman and being wooed by her and proving to be a noble man in service to a higher cause. Raisuli is depicted as an honorable man, with deep convictions, who acts to keep his people free and expose the corruption of the weak ruler, who is being manipulated by foreign powers. Roosevelt is depicted as the shrewd politician he was, slightly bats#$% insane (true), with his outdoor obsessions, who gets sage advice from people like Sec of State John Hay (played by John Huston, in full condescending charm). Roosevelt is interested in re-election and looking strong. His goal had been to turn America into a colonial power, both during the Spanish American War and in his own administration, with its saber rattling and gunboat diplomacy. So, what you end up with is a mix of romantic adventure fiction and the tiniest bit of actual history, heavily embellished. Oh, and Milius has the Marines land in force and march through Tangier and take control of the Sultan's palace and fight to free Raisuli, as they respect him.

Leaving aside the historical accuracy, it's a damn good adventure film, as Connery is in his element (even if his accent isn't) and Keith makes the best portrayal of Teddy Roosevelt, ever. Raisuli is a romantic figure, part Rudolph Valentino, part TE Lawrence. He oozes charisma and power and wins over the defiant Eden, mostly by living up to his word. Bergen is steeped in a defiant attitude and Victorian speech patterns, who shows her naivety when it comes to politics, believing that government figures are honorable men. Ha; this is post-Watergate! Roosevelt cares only for his image and re-election, though he comes to admire Raisuli John Huston portrays the scheming of John Hay well, speaking to Roosevelt like he is an excitable child, while he tries to work his own angles behind the scenes. Other foreign powers are shown to be duplicitous and the Americans, ultimately, as virtuous. The marines come ashore and restore order and find Eden and Raisuli and help the Good Guys win. All very trite and romantic. Milius knows how to tell a good yarn and a good yarn this is.

Milius' commentary track is rather pompous and behind the scenes photos and footage show him wearing a beret with French paratrooper badge on it, as he directs the soldiers in the film. Milius was a wannabe who was turned down for the Marine Corps because of asthma, which helped keep him out of Vietnam, but helped him befriend some who came to USC, while he was at film school, and develop the story that would become Apocalypse Now. However, the film is well shot, well written and well acted, even if the cast skews heavily to tv actors.

The film was a modest hit, overshadowed by Jaws at the box office. It did find a place on home video and serves as a bit of a throwback to old Hollywood filmmaking, in an era where New Hollywood was rewriting things. It was also one of Milius few commercially successful films as a director (including Conan and Red Dawn), as he had several flops (Farewell to the king, Big Wednesday, and Flight of the Intruder).

Next time, a different movie from Sean Connery and John Huston: The Man Who Would Be King.