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Post by Icctrombone on Oct 4, 2020 14:19:52 GMT -5
I talked a few days ago to an old friend/ Girlfriend and she could have been my Wife if not for the timing. I have been married twice and have been in love maybe 4 times. How about you? How many times have you fallen in love and what happened with the people you were in love with ?
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Post by brutalis on Oct 4, 2020 14:45:40 GMT -5
Just once in the kind of truest soulmate kind of love. We shared 11 years together until she passed away. Diabetes induced heart failure. Won't bore you all with the magic and the mysteries of our love other than saying a part of me passed away as well when she left my life. Dated on and off several years but never really found another connection. Once you have known the best love ever all others are in that 1st pure lover's shadow. Ever since, just no desire to search for another...
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2020 14:50:00 GMT -5
twice. . my prior boyfriend broke my heart . . and I thought would never find anyone else. that was in Nov. of 2013. I met Nick in Jan of 2014  |
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Post by Icctrombone on Oct 4, 2020 15:06:22 GMT -5
Just once in the kind of truest soulmate kind of love. We shared 11 years together until she passed away. Diabetes induced heart failure. Won't bore you all with the magic and the mysteries of our love other than saying a part of me passed away as well when she left my life. Dated on and off several years but never really found another connection. Once you have known the best love ever all others are in that 1st pure lover's shadow. Ever since, just no desire to search for another... I feel that , as long as you keep an open mind, someone else always comes along. It's possible that you just didn't want to get back on the horse. |
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Post by brutalis on Oct 4, 2020 16:17:05 GMT -5
Just once in the kind of truest soulmate kind of love. We shared 11 years together until she passed away. Diabetes induced heart failure. Won't bore you all with the magic and the mysteries of our love other than saying a part of me passed away as well when she left my life. Dated on and off several years but never really found another connection. Once you have known the best love ever all others are in that 1st pure lover's shadow. Ever since, just no desire to search for another... I feel that , as long as you keep an open mind, someone else always comes along. It's possible that you just didn't want to get back on the horse. Oh i agree bro, I am open to the chance of finding someone. Just not actively looking since everyone I know felt the need to try setting me up, but never any attempt in try to match me with someone. Instead it was lots of blind incompatible dates and the few I asked out on my own seemed much more interested in how much money I make or want an instant daddy for the kids, or just sex (all this by 2nd or 3rd dates) and it all felt unnatural and uncomfortable. |
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Post by Cei-U! on Oct 4, 2020 16:56:32 GMT -5
Really, truly, head-over-heels love? Three times (or at least that's what hindsight tells me), once in college, twice in my late '30s/early '40s. Alas, my affections were not returned or, if they were, my own insecurities drove us apart. The other women I was in relationships with, well, those were based on either lust or on perceived mutual need. I was even unofficially engaged three times, once to a woman who wanted her kids on my health plan, twice to women who turned out to be bat-shit crazy. I dodged the bullet all three times. So yeah, nobody's ever called me lucky in love.
Cei-U!
Now I'm depressed!
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Post by Icctrombone on Oct 4, 2020 17:17:40 GMT -5
Really, truly, head-over-heels love? Three times (or at least that's what hindsight tells me), once in college, twice in my late '30s/early '40s. Alas, my affections were not returned or, if they were, my own insecurities drove us apart. The other women I was in relationships with, well, those were based on either lust or on perceived mutual need. I was even unofficially engaged three times, once to a woman who wanted her kids on my health plan, twice to women who turned out to be bat-shit crazy. I dodged the bullet all three times. So yeah, nobody's ever called me lucky in love. Cei-U! Now I'm depressed! Sorry man. I fell In love with a woman that was crazy in love with a lowlife that cheated and beat her. I guess it’s the Superman complex in me that thinks I can save people. Unrequited love. I think everyone’s had at least one. |
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Post by Icctrombone on Oct 4, 2020 17:19:48 GMT -5
I guess I ask this question because a person could fall in love many times even though it’s thought that love is unique
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Post by brutalis on Oct 4, 2020 17:28:56 GMT -5
I guess I ask this question because a person could fall in love many times even though it’s thought that love is unique Love is unique Icc. In that it is special and uniquely it's own thing for each single individual and EVERY love is different. I'm going to say anyone may find love several times over in a lifetime and each one will have its own essence. It is the bond which unites 2 people together, creating a shared love that is NEVER duplicated. Not that any one love is lesser, just a special, unique connection for every love you may have. |
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Post by codystarbuck on Oct 4, 2020 18:13:31 GMT -5
Truly in love? I don't know; not sure I ever did. I had a definite attraction to a girl in my class and we were "going together" once, in our pre-adolescent, doesn't really count days. We saw each other at our 20th Reunion and the attraction was still there and she was divorced; but, she was focused on raising her teenaged son, we were living in different areas, and an initial probe in that direction just didn't feel like it elicited a similar response.
My partner and I are splitting up after I could no longer conceal the lie that I was in love with her, recently. We've been together for over a decade; but, I entered into our relationship rather hastily, saw things I didn't like on our first date and then broke things off after a month or two, when her irresponsible behavior brought complete chaos in my life. We got back together out of loneliness, then saw more chaos enter, over time, but felt guilty about the previous break-up and hardship she went through, plus her declining health. We also both lost parents within a few months of each other. I stuck it out because I felt that was what you were supposed to do, even though I found myself often wishing that we had never met. I felt like I was being selfish, as I saw an uncle care for my aunt, whose health declined due to MS, over many years. I finally withdrew, physically and mostly emotionally, until she, ultimately, struck up a relationship with someone on-line. We are going our separate ways; but, COVID has greatly complicated the split.
I never truly felt "in love" with her, as much as with the idea of love. My adolescence was one of extreme unease in situations with girls, apart from general jokes and conversation. I knew most of my classmates since kindergarten; but, that didn't make me any less awkward when puberty kicked in. Heck, I had more "girlfriends" before puberty than after, starting in the First Grade! It's not fun to peak before you have a chance to actually enjoy it! It took a long time, as an adult, to become comfortable enough in my own skin to start attempting to date; but, the confidence and experience was never fully there.
None of that changes the fact that I have had close relationships with family and friends and two particularly amazing cats. I've had romantic and sexual relationships and have felt love and affection, even if I haven't :fallen in love."
I do have to say, if I had been born earlier and been in her world, I could have easily fallen in love with Barbara Feldon. Ironically, she wrote a book about how, after her marriage, she never really found the right relationship and learned to find contentment in just living her own life, without being defined by a relationship. I identified with much of what she said in it.
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Post by Duragizer on Oct 4, 2020 19:49:25 GMT -5
Once. She didn't return my feelings, and I didn't have the emotional maturity to accept it at the time. Ended up losing the best friend I ever had.
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Post by Icctrombone on Oct 4, 2020 21:32:31 GMT -5
Once. She didn't return my feelings, and I didn't have the emotional maturity to accept it at the time. Ended up losing the best friend I ever had. I think that's happened to every human being. |
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Post by adamwarlock2099 on Oct 5, 2020 9:04:29 GMT -5
I've pursued 4 women, including my wife, and one woman pursued me. And that gal, Icc, was much like one you mentioned in that she was in a relationship with a POS man who got her pregnant and left her. That might be close to love, but I think it was more I wanted to rescue her emotionally so that she knew that not all men are like him. So it may have been love but it wasn't a romantic love, though she didn't see it at first. She was infatuated with me because I was kind to her and let herself go emotionally. But eventually she saw that and was ready to move on with her life.
So I would say I've only been in love once; and that is with my wife of 21 years right now. Last week I wrote my wife a three page letter of things of an intimate nature that were weighing heavily on me for some time. I never gave her the letter, until Sunday. We were out on the porch, she was smoking, and I had a few drinks and was feeling brave and I gave it to her. She read it and we talked about it. And I was so amazed, at this woman that I don't deserve, that took the time to talk out those concerns without belittling the gravity that they had on me, even though she couldn't understand why I was worried about what I was. It's crazy that 22 years ago a chance purchase of a WebTV I made at the store on a whim lead me to the woman that changed life for the better. There's an excellent chance she literally save my life from the bottle.
Brutalis I so sorry to hear that you lost your soul mate. Throughout my early life I had always been afraid of death. After I met my wife and the more closer we have grown together into "one flesh" as God intended, I've come to fear my wife dying before me, than I am my own death. Because the loneliness and despair I'd feel without her would drive me back to the bottle. And that would be an existence worse than my own death. I hope that there is another soul mate out there for your my friend. I really do.
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,330
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Post by shaxper on Oct 5, 2020 9:21:40 GMT -5
I often wonder if I know what things like "love" and "happiness" are, not because I'm necessarily lacking in either, but more because I over-think everything. I've been loved at least four times. I think I sincerely offered my love twice, once to my ex-wife, and once to my current girlfriend. I'm currently in a relationship with a woman who makes my life so much better, makes my kids' lives better, and truly adores me.
Maybe it's because I love her so much that I worry I don't love her enough? I'm not even sure what that means. There's no one I want to be with but her, but I don't know that I've ever had that moment where the music swells in my head, she is the very air I breathe and all that exists to me, and life is perfection. She's just my best friend that I trust completely, always want around, and enjoy kissing.
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Post by adamwarlock2099 on Oct 5, 2020 10:08:06 GMT -5
I think when we realize that we are lucky to have a person love us that it is only natural to not want to take that for granted. Or at least not on a consistent basis. When you realize/think you are the lucky one of the two it's easy (at least for me) to overthink the small things and wonder if we really are giving our all to that person. In my case about, this weekend, I realized that had I not wrote what I did for her it would gnaw away at me, and make me miserable and in turn affect her too. It's happened before because I am terrible at expressing emotion, and always on guard that I consider her first and foremost even at the emotional cost to me. And when these instances come up she always tells me to say what I need to say even if I think it will hurt. Because my own emotional pain will effect her, even if I think I'm doing it to protect her. So at least I can say with myself I can perfectly understand "maybe it's because I love her so much that I worry I don't lover her enough"
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