Titans of Justice Unlimited #81 - "The Enemy of My Enemy Part 1"
Written by: Scotty2Hotty
Editing & Maxi-Micros by: Power Guy


The Cheetah paced back and forth. The Toyman, who watched silently, constructed a wind up Wonder Woman doll and sent in the Cheetah’s path. Cheetah eyed the toy as it sputtered and shifted along and started to melt.

“HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! Doesn’t that cheer you up? Wonder Woman, as if she was melted by Superman’s heat vision!” The Toyman laughed.





The Cheetah leaped into his lap, getting in his face. “You fool! You dare try to interrupt my thoughts with a child’s toy!? That could mean a purrrrrr-manent placement in a toy-box for you!”





“Hey, I was just trying to cheer you up!” The Toyman said, pushing himself back in his chair. The Cheetah’s eyes flashed with madness and he could feel her muscles tense as if she were about to attack. An evil smile crossed her face and she stood erect.

“I’m sorry Toyman. I’m under lots of stress.” She said.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Scream Queen hissed from a corner. “Punchline has my Riddler! The Devil only knows what’s been done to him!”





“I must admit, things haven’t gone our way.” Sir Simian Sinister growled.





Giantessa, who was wrapped up in a game of Bejeweled Blitz on her phone, looked up, rolled her eyes, and went back to her game.

Solomon Grundy smashed his fist through their meeting table, sending splinters flying. “Solomon Grundy refuse to be hunted down by fake Joker! Grundy rip him to shreds!!!”





“You’ll have your chance old friend. Even if I have to eat some crow to do it.” Cheetah said, wistfully.

“Shouldn’t be a problem for you. Cats like to eat birds.” Giantessa huffed. “Hey! I got a new high score!” she cheered, showing her brother her cell phone.





“I’m afraid we are going to have to ask for a truce with Luthor. With Punchline picking us off one by one and there being two teams of Titans now, I believe there is strength in numbers.” Cheetah added.

“Finally! Now maybe we can find the Riddler.” Scream Queen said, running her fingers along one her skull shaped fear bombs.

“If I know Luthor, he’s probably thinking the same thing.” Sir Simian Sinister offered. “Did you see, Superboy is back? I’m sure he’s not too pleased about that.”

“I saw on the news that Kitty Kat is one of the Titans now. Certainly a big change in the game, wouldn’t you say?” Toyman giggled, playing with a ball of yarn.

“Might as well get this over with.” Cheetah fumed walking over to a control panel. She adjusted some dials and suddenly Lance Luthor’s face appeared on the monitor.

“What do you want Cheetah?” he said, full of anger.





“Well, aren’t you cheer personified.” The Cheetah smirked.

“You have 5 seconds, woman! I shouldn’t even give you that after you pitched your little hissy fit in the Hall of Doom!”

“I admit my mistake, Luthor. I was wrong.”

“Will wonders ever cease. Actually Cheetah, I was considering contacting you about a…..reconciliation. Even I must admit, these are trying times for us. Titans of Justice, Titans of Authority…missing friends….a new Hall of Justice. I must first confer with my team.” Luthor looked at Brainiac, Bizarbara, and Sultana. “Well, what do you think?”

Brainiac was silent and finally said, “My calculations indicate a unified team has a 67% better chance of defeating the Titans of Justice. I vote to re-admit them.”





Sultana spoke up, “I don’t trust them….but I am fine with them coming back.”





Bizarbara, chimed in. “No, me don’t think cat-girl and others should not come back. Me think it bad idea.”





“The people have spoken, Cheetah. But be warned, at the first sign of any treachery from you…….” Luthor started.

“I promise. No treachery, no deceit.” Cheetah smiled. The monitor shut off.

“So that’s it? We go crawling back?” Giantessa huffed, popping her gum.

“For now. It kills me to do this, but I think it will serve us well.” Cheetah said.

***

Hours later in the Hall of Doom…

Luthor had taken his spot at the elevated podium. He looked at the Legion of Doom and almost all seats were filled.

“Our first order of business is to rescue our missing associates. Brainiac has located Punchline’s headquarters. He’s moved them to a new location.”

“Affirmative. Sub-Zero, Riddler, and Stingray are all still alive. But badly injured.”

Scream Queen spoke up. “Injured? I swear I will rip Punchline limb from limb! He thinks he knows fear? He will when I am through with him! Damned fool!”

“Save your anger, my dear," Sultanna said. “I’ve been waiting to have a go at Punchline and his band of misfits.”

“What are we waiting for? We should go save them. Now!” Scream Queen, said as she stood.

“And I think we should kill Punchline’s group….slowly and painfully.” Cheetah smiled, filing her claws.

“Usually, I would go for a more….indirect method. But, I believe we need to let Punchline know the Legion of Doom means business. WE will destroy the Titans of Justice and run the show. Not some 3rd rate psycho like him. Brainiac is downloading schematics for Punchline’s hideout. We’ll all go there. Hit them hard. Lots of casualties.” Luthor smiled,

“Finally! Solomon Grundy let loose and not hold back! Grundy snap clown-face’s puny neck like twig!” Solomon Grundy shouted. He picked up his chair and smashed it into the wall.

The assembled membership laughed heartily as Solomon Grundy paced, punching the air.

“Back to business.” Luthor said, slamming his gavel.

“Cast your eyes on the monitor. Brainiac, upload our plan.” Luthor smiled.

***

Miles away...

“I call this place my HA HA HA Hacienda!” Punchline giggled as he put lights on a Christmas tree.





“A Christmas tree?” Briar Rose said. “It’s not even near December. Why?”





Punchline frowned. “Why not?”

“Sure. Whatever you say.” Briar Rose said, turning her attention back to her roses.

“This place is fantastic. Who’d ever think to look for us underneath an abandoned amusement park?” Bonfire said.





“My thoughts exactly. No one ever comes out here….not willingly. I remember the day I discovered it! Some silly sorority girls..the Alpha Gams? Deltas? I can’t remember. They all had on shirts with those funny letters. Well, here they were! Having some bizarre ritual. I certainly wasn’t going to let them lay claim this property!” Punchline laughed, placing a Santa hat on his head.

“What did you do with them?” Baron Vertigo asked, sipping a glass of red wine.





“Why we had an initation, right then and there! Scared them out of their skins. Literally!” Punchline gestured as a light came on. Dried skins were stretched over a wall.

Bonfire gasped.

“It’s the latest thing. Very Texas Chainsaw Massacre, wouldn’t you say? It’s one of my favorite movies. We should all watch it tonight! We’ll have popcorn and everything! Oh, won’t it be fun! We’ll even let our guests watch it before we send them to Heaven. Or would that be Hell? Oh well, either way their time is limited!” Punchline laughed hysterically.

“I grow tired of this.” Gored Ox said, towering over the other villains. “I want to find Vixen and suck the meat off her bones.”





“Now, you’ve got the spirit!” Punchline said. “After we have our send-off party for guests tonight, I propose 2 new orders of business! Everyone take a seat!”

The Society of Insanity all took seats around a brightly painted purple table. Punchline began, “First of all, tonight we will do some housecleaning. Riddler, Subzero, and Stingray have all worn out their welcome. Time for them to go. Next, as I promised Gored Ox, we’ll find the very tawny Vixen and her daughter and you can play with them, eat them, whatever you want. And then……..we owe a visit to Kitty Kat. That cunning little kitten played us like we were an old worn out Mego playset found at a garage sale! There’s more than one way to skin a cat…..and I’ll prove it!”

“For the record, I never trusted that minx.” Ebeneezer Faust said, his arms folded. “I suspected she was up to no good from the start.”





“Cats are deceitful, but she was so pretty to look at!” Punchline frowned. “But she won’t be, once we’re done with her. Now, moving right along. Rag Doll! Oh Rag Dolllllllllllll! Bring out the seats for tonight’s guests.

Rag Doll came ambling out of the shadows, her joints popping as she moved, a string of drool hanging from her the mouth part of her mask. She grunted and produced three chairs covered in nails.





“Now that will surely keep our guests on the edges of their seats.” Punchline smiled as his team laughed….nervously.

***

Another part of the Ha Ha Ha Hacienda…

“Riddler! Listen to me. We have to figure a way out of this!” Stingray whispered. “Riddler, do you hear me?”





“I…..hear you…..why don’t they just kill us….get it over with…..” he gasped.





“Wimp!” She growled, straining against the collar around her neck that affixed to the damp wall. “Sub-Zero, you awake?” she said looking over the water covered floor. Subzero was doubled up in a ball, blood caked all over his body.

“I’m awake….but barely….we’re in no shape to try anything…” he moaned.





“I would get stuck down here with a bunch of sissies! Well, I for one am not going to stand for this!” she said, straining at her bonds. Despite the pain from the torture she endured, she worked furiously to try to free herself. All of her ribs were broken and she nearly passed out from the pain as she worked. What seemed liked hours later, she had freed a hand. “Pretty sure I broke my wrist, but maybe my fingers will work.” Soon she had removed the collar around her neck and was able to stand. She had not stood in days and her muscles ached. “I did it! I’m free. Now to find a way out of here. I’ll leave these two losers. They’d only slow me down.” She paced slowly around the cell. There were no windows, just a large pipe with a metal grid covering it. Sewage and other refuse dropped slowly through the grate. She swore she saw an eyeball in the filth. “Not ideal, but it is a way out.” She turned to her fellow captives, “So long suckers!” she said, trying to rip the covering from the sewage opening.

Just then the Gored Ox burst in with Ragdoll.

“No….noo….keep her away…away from me!!!” Riddler screamed putting his hands up, as far as his chains would allow.

Sting Ray turned quickly to see the Gored Ox charging at her. Before she could scream, his teeth clamped down on her shoulder, ripping muscles and tendons. He thrashed her around like a limp dishrag, slamming her into the wall over and over again. He let out a primal scream and opened his mouth wide.

“Whoa, big guy. Not yet.” Came Dr. Natas’s voice. “Punchline wants them alive for now.”





Gored Ox dropped her, stomping on her and breaking bones as he walked away. Stingray tried to speak but all that came was a blood-filled gurgle.

Rag Doll walked over to the Riddler, who was crying like a baby. She ran her bony fingers across his wounds, ripping them open. She picked up a broken cola bottle and dragged it across his abdomen and heading downward. The Riddler screamed as Dr. Natas grabbed Rag Doll’s hand.

“Uh uh, my poor dear. No surgeries yet.”

Rag Doll seemed to understand.

Bonfire and Faust walked over to Subzero. Each of them grabbed an arm, lifting him up. His already bloody chest reopened and blood gushed. He was limp and they found it difficult to maneuver him. His dehydrated body was close to shutting down. Moments later, the three captives were brought to a large room. A movie screen descended from the ceiling. The chairs made of nails were in the front row.

“Oh yes! Front row seats for our guests of honor! COME ON DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Punchline clapped. He was dressed in a 1970s style polyester suit and held a microphone. Briar Rose held her roses, unsure what to think.

Gored Ox slammed Stingray into the spiked chair. She screamed as the nails dug into her backside. She tried to stand. Before she could move, Bonfire and Baron Vertigo grabbed her hands, and Faust slammed spikes into each of her hands.

“AAAGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!” she screamed.

“Oh tsk tsk!” Punchline said into his microphone. “If it was good enough for the Romans, it’s good enough for you!”

Riddler and Subzero were quickly slammed into the chairs of nails, their hands nailed to the chair arms. Subzero’s head slumped forward. Rag Doll shuffled over to the Riddler and crawled into his lap. He started to cry.

“Now for tonight’s feature presentation! THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE!!!!!!!!! A classic and should have won the Oscar, if you ask me!” Punchline said as the movie started to roll. “Enjoy the show, you three! After it’s over, we’re going to turn the HA HA HA Hacienda into our own little theatre and recreate the scenes with you three! Are you ready for your close up?” Punchline laughed, smacking Stingray in the face with a giant powder puff.

“I swear….I swear…I will…kill you….” Stingray gasped, her shoulder and other wounds gushing blood.

“Oh. No. You. Won’t.” Punchline said in a sing-song voice. “I’m tired of you and your mouthy mouth. Time to shut you up.” He said, shoving his bony, dirty fingers into her mouth and grabbing her tongue. “Faust, if you please…..slice off her tongue!”

“This movie….he’s edited it all out except for the scary parts….” Baron Vertigo said, noticing the movie skip around. As they watched the scenes looped over and over as the volume became louder and louder.

Faust and Punchline struggled to slice off Stingray’s tongue. Suddenly a loud crash echoed through the hacienda.

“Oh my, what was that!? I hope the hot water heater didn’t explode!” Punchline giggled.

Luthor and the other members of the Legion of Doom stepped into the theatre.

“You have exactly 1 second to release our associates!” Luthor ordered.

Punchline looked at them and shrugged his shoulders. “Hmmmm, we’re going to need more seats.”


TO BE CONTINUED!