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Post by Nowhere Man on Jan 17, 2016 9:26:57 GMT -5
Hmm, I'd hate to make any kind of judgement as to why he'd want to date so soon. That's a question only he could answer, if he'd even want to answer it to the closest of family. It's possible that it's a good thing for his mental health. I know that often times people who lose a spouse late in life, after having being married for decades, give up to some degree and live a sad and lonely existence until the end.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2016 9:59:44 GMT -5
Hmm, I'd hate to make any kind of judgement as to why he'd want to date so soon. That's a question only he could answer, if he'd even want to answer it to the closest of family. It's possible that it's a good thing for his mental health. I know that often times people who lose a spouse late in life, after having being married for decades, give up to some degree and live a sad and lonely existence until the end. And this is why I refuse to tell him how I feel currently. I know that my dad deserves nothing more than to be happy. And if going on a dinner date with some woman makes him happy, who am I to worry or get emotional about it? I just wish, inside, I could really feel this way. But, for now, it'll be the face I wear around him while my insides will be screaming and I might bite my fingertips off, hey, I'll have to get over it.
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Post by Nowhere Man on Jan 17, 2016 10:21:04 GMT -5
It's hard when your rational brain and your emotional brain are at odds. I'd venture a guess that he simply doesn't want to be alone and I'm sure he's thought a lot about it. I wouldn't doubt that he feels much like you do on some level and wrestles with it in his mind, even though he doesn't show it.
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Post by Mormel on Jan 17, 2016 13:02:22 GMT -5
Papashogun, like Trebor, I can relate to what you're saying about procrastination, feelings of lack of self-fulfillment, and fear of failure.
But what moves me most about your post is the questions you're asking yourself about your relationship with your wife. I think that probably needs to be your starting point. You ask if you've even married her out of love-- without knowing much about your personal situation, I would hazard a guess that you did. I think it may be valuable to retrace why you fell in love with each other. Quite a lot of folks in a romantic relationship find that they also need their alone time, so that's no more than natural, but when it goes into the degree you describe, where you kinda feel like you need to escape every once in a while, under the pretense of going to the gym, or when you start to experience her interruptions of your work as annoyances, it merits some re-evaluation. I'd recommend that you two spend some quality time together, think of something you both really enjoy; while doing so, focus on each other, let the rest of the world melt away. It doesn't have to be ON all the time, but that way, it might be easier for you and her both to also take your alone-time. Because it's likely that, if you have you have the minor annoyances, and the little getaways, that she also experiences friction of her own, or at least senses that something is amiss- even if she doesn't let it show.
So, in sum, I believe it's easy to underestimate the value of spending quality time with one another. Especially when struggling with things like fear of failure, temporary lack of self esteem, apathy... you should be able to confide in her, and vice versa, she in you. Be each other’s comfort and confidant. That's part of the 'for better or worse' clause in the wedding vows.
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Post by Mormel on Jan 17, 2016 13:20:32 GMT -5
I had a couple of paragraphs about how much I recognize in both your and Trebor's stories, but I accidentally deleted it and couldn't retrieve it on my smartphone.
To put it concisely, I have high functioning autism, and in my early twenties I've experienced apathy, depression, bouts of self-loathing, loneliness, social anxiety, a cynical world view, and manic episodes. I failed to get into university, due to setting myself up to fail over and over. When I first joined CBR in 2007, I was an emotional and psychological wreck. No hobbies or interests, no social life to speak of. All this only started to turn around when, somewhat by chance, I found a new field of interest in the form of Indonesian culture and history. From there, I renewed my interest in reading and wildlife. It hasn't been all puppies and rainbows since, and there've been days when I screamed my lungs raw, bawled my eyes out, or considered jumping in front of a train But here I am standing on my own two, always trying to look at the positives. Much of my spare time now I spend reading. Fiction, mostly modern Dutch literature, and non-fictional history books. I don't have a social circle and relations with my family are strained, but I join group walks and attend film festivals and seminars to keep the social muscles oiled and I enjoy myself.
December was a stupid month for me. I lost my job due to stupidity, and since I had debts AND a negative bank account, I was scraping the barrel to keep afloat. I thought I was going UNDER. But I'm slowly crawling out of the hole.
I usually put on a pokerface when posting because I also read the boards to forget the bad things, so most of the things I spoke of above aren't easy for me to admit. I don't have all the answers for myself, sure don't have them for others, but I hope that I can at least help a bit in comparing notes with you guys, Papa Shogun and Trebor
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Post by Mormel on Jan 17, 2016 13:31:36 GMT -5
Finally, I've also been learning Mandarin and slacking off doing it. I'm actually supposed to join a Chinese-Dutch language exchange meeting soon, but I keep holding off any preparation. Just can't find the motivation.
If you're interested in exchanging some Mandarin language learning goals, feel free to PM me, 'cause I'm also supposed to pick it up again.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2016 14:47:44 GMT -5
It's hard when your rational brain and your emotional brain are at odds. I'd venture a guess that he simply doesn't want to be alone and I'm sure he's thought a lot about it. I wouldn't doubt that he feels much like you do on some level and wrestles with it in his mind, even though he doesn't show it. Thank you, Trebor. And he probably won't mention it unless he becomes serious about her. But even though I don't feel it now, I'll probably tell him that if being with her makes him happy, then that is what matters. But I'll be screaming obscenities on the inside.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2016 22:33:27 GMT -5
My wife just told me as I walked by her from the kitchen that she was reading an Avengers/Sesame Street fan fiction cross-over in which the MCU Avengers stumble onto Sesame Street when dealing with the aftermath of the the Chitauri invasion. I think my brain has melted (especially since it was in a jelly-like state after reading Warren Ellis' most recent newsletter).
-M
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Post by Spike-X on Jan 18, 2016 4:30:58 GMT -5
My wife just told me as I walked by her from the kitchen that she was reading an Avengers/Sesame Street fan fiction cross-opver in which the MCU Avengers stumble onto Sesame Street when dealing with the aftermath of the the Chitauri invasion. I think my brain has melted (especially since it was in a jelly-like state after reading Warren Ellis' most recent newsletter). -M what
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2016 4:36:45 GMT -5
My wife just told me as I walked by her from the kitchen that she was reading an Avengers/Sesame Street fan fiction cross-over in which the MCU Avengers stumble onto Sesame Street when dealing with the aftermath of the the Chitauri invasion. I think my brain has melted (especially since it was in a jelly-like state after reading Warren Ellis' most recent newsletter). -M what I don't know any more details, I didn't ask. I don't think my brain would have coped with the details very well... -M
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2016 6:42:50 GMT -5
My wife just told me as I walked by her from the kitchen that she was reading an Avengers/Sesame Street fan fiction cross-over in which the MCU Avengers stumble onto Sesame Street when dealing with the aftermath of the the Chitauri invasion. I think my brain has melted (especially since it was in a jelly-like state after reading Warren Ellis' most recent newsletter). -M And this is why I don't read, or participate in the creation of, fanfiction. Not my thing. Never will be. I've tried. But I cannot. I am not made of the stuff that can handle fanfiction. Gah.
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Post by The Captain on Jan 18, 2016 6:46:28 GMT -5
My wife just told me as I walked by her from the kitchen that she was reading an Avengers/Sesame Street fan fiction cross-over in which the MCU Avengers stumble onto Sesame Street when dealing with the aftermath of the the Chitauri invasion. I think my brain has melted (especially since it was in a jelly-like state after reading Warren Ellis' most recent newsletter). -M I've never heard of this, but I'm strangely intrigued, if only to find out if that little red demon Elmo was killed in the battle, although I wouldn't imagine either Black Widow or Hawkeye putting up with Elmo too long if he did survive and one of them "accidentally" letting a Widow's Bite or arrow finish him off.
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Post by Prince Hal on Jan 18, 2016 7:59:22 GMT -5
My wife just told me as I walked by her from the kitchen that she was reading an Avengers/Sesame Street fan fiction cross-over in which the MCU Avengers stumble onto Sesame Street when dealing with the aftermath of the the Chitauri invasion. I think my brain has melted (especially since it was in a jelly-like state after reading Warren Ellis' most recent newsletter). -M It's a multi-part series: #1 "This Man, This Muppet" #2 "Lo, There Shall Come an Ernie" #3 "Snuffleupagus No More" #4 "Elmo Dies at Dawn"
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Post by dupersuper on Jan 18, 2016 8:53:41 GMT -5
My wife just told me as I walked by her from the kitchen that she was reading an Avengers/Sesame Street fan fiction cross-over in which the MCU Avengers stumble onto Sesame Street when dealing with the aftermath of the the Chitauri invasion. I think my brain has melted (especially since it was in a jelly-like state after reading Warren Ellis' most recent newsletter). -M It's a multi-part series: #1 "This Man, This Muppet" #2 "Lo, There Shall Come an Ernie" #3 "Snuffleupagus No More" #4 "Elmo Dies at Dawn" Think of the possibilities: Big Bird vs. Vulture Cookie Monster vs. Blob Northstar & his husband double date with Bert and Ernie Kermit reporting on the latest big cross over event Doctor Strange and The Count free Mr Hooper from Mephistos realm Squirrel Girl tries to cheer up Oscar (with a Tippy Toe/Slimy back-up story) Super Grover, Gladiator, Blue Marvel, Sentry and Hyperion discuss why they feel like there's some oner missing from their group they should be thanking for some reason
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2016 10:09:33 GMT -5
It's hard when your rational brain and your emotional brain are at odds. I'd venture a guess that he simply doesn't want to be alone and I'm sure he's thought a lot about it. I wouldn't doubt that he feels much like you do on some level and wrestles with it in his mind, even though he doesn't show it. Thank you, Trebor. And he probably won't mention it unless he becomes serious about her. But even though I don't feel it now, I'll probably tell him that if being with her makes him happy, then that is what matters. But I'll be screaming obscenities on the inside. not "judging" at all, but suggesting, as it might help. reach out to a professional (or go to a support group for adult children who have lost a parent) to talk thru these issues with. These are normal feelings for a child who's parent has started "looking" after a long relationship (no matter how old this child or parent are). and you absolutely realize that it's YOUR issue, not his, which is good. . . so *you* talk to someone about it (a professional, not your Dad ). . since after all, you do want him to be happy. So you need to deal with your feelings so YOU can be happy too! (if not for him, I completely get how you are feeling so yeah, it's gonna be hard to be happy *for* him. . but you can likely work thru the feelings so you can be happy that he is happy). I know.. psychobabble mumbo-jumbo. . but bottom line? What you are feeling is, I'm sure, perfectly normal, and talking to someone -- even if it's just going to a support group type meeting, will help!
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