Roquefort Raider
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Post by Roquefort Raider on Jun 22, 2022 13:34:24 GMT -5
I received a joke about what movies would be the shortest if characters acted logically. I thought the idea was pretty funny!
Here's my contender :
(five minutes into Star Wars..)
"There goes another one"
"Hold your fire. There's no life-form. It must have short-circuited".
"Well, no harm done if we take it out anyway, right?"
Pewpewpew!!!
The end.
Any other?
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Post by thwhtguardian on Jun 22, 2022 14:28:46 GMT -5
I've always enjoyed that "How it should have ended" take on Lord of the Rings where the fellowship casually tosses the ring into mount doom from aback the eagles and Frod remarked, " Wow, I wonder what would have happened if we hadn't flown?" and Boromir replied, "Looks dangerous down there, one of us could have died!"
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Roquefort Raider
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Modus omnibus in rebus
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Post by Roquefort Raider on Jun 23, 2022 5:36:53 GMT -5
It could work with comics, too.
"Dr. Richards, you really expected the rocket to be ready to launch at a moment's notice and to be watched by a solitary guard? Some genius you are!"
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Roquefort Raider
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Post by Roquefort Raider on Jun 23, 2022 8:36:14 GMT -5
Moonraker :
(James Bond is making out with an air stewardess in a small plane. She's secretly in league with the pilot and popular villain Jaws; their plan is to parachute off the plane and let Bond crash).
Stewardess, with Bond's hand high on her thigh : "Any higher, Mr. Bond, my ears will pop."
Bond : "I don't think I'm ever going to fly with anyone else."
Stewardess, now pointing a gun : "You're so right, Mr. Bond."
Pilot, smugly strapping on a parachute : "This is where we leave you, Mr. Bond."
Stewardess : "You know what? This plan is stupid". Shoots Bond in the face six times.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2022 15:19:28 GMT -5
 -M |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2022 19:03:38 GMT -5
Ok, these 2 could apply to either the comic book or movie versions:
1) "Well, Jor-El's data looks solid to me, glad he caught this while we still have time to do something about it".
2) "It's nice out tonight, should we just walk home from the theater?", "No, Bruce looks a little tired and this is a sketchy neighborhood, let's just hail a cab."
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Post by codystarbuck on Jun 24, 2022 21:03:07 GMT -5
"What were Mr Kane's last words?"
"He said, 'Rosebud'."
"What does it mean?"
"Oh, that was the name painted on a sled he had, as a boy, before he was taken away to live in wealth and luxury. I think he missed those simpler times."
THE END!
What's Up Doc?
"May I help you sir?"
"Yes, the airline seems to have lost my bag, It was red tartan and leather, in a valise style."
"Hey, that's just like my bag; the airline lost it, too!"
"Mine, too"
"And mine!"
"Ditto"
"I assure you, we will locate your luggage and forward it to the proper addresses."
The Sixth Sense
"You're dead, aren't you, mister?"
"Why do you say that, kid?"
"I see dead people and I see you; but, no one else does. Ergo, you're dead."
"Well, @#$%!"
Pulp Fiction
"I want you to go down, in the 4th r......"
"POLICE! EVERYBODY FREEZE! HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM! YOU, TOO, BARBARINO! AND YOU, CURLY!"
Heavily armed police swarm the club.
"Marsellus Wallace, I have a warrant for your arrest, for suspicion of drug trafficking, racketeering, murder, conspiracy to commit murder, smuggling shiny things in briefcases, and prize fight fixing. Vincent Vega, you are under arrest as an accessory to murder, murder 1, assault with a deadly weapon, and cliched dancing." "Jules Winfield, you are under arrest for murder, accessory to murder, misappropriation of hamburgers and soda drinks, and profanity on a public wallet."
"Butch, I suggest you find a new line of work, because boxing isn't working for you."
"Now, load them into the paddy wagon with those two creeps from the pawn shop, that drug dealer who keeps harping on about pop culture, and that British guy and his psychotic girlfriend."
"Captain, Bravo Team reports they have arrested Wolf, at a party."
"Good. That tip from those three college boys really paid off!"
"Oh, Vega, we also have an extradition request from the Netherlands. You know what they call a punk hood in Amsterdam?"
"@#$%!"
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2022 21:04:40 GMT -5
I received a joke about what movies would be the shortest if characters acted logically. I thought the idea was pretty funny!
Here's my contender :
(five minutes into Star Wars..)
"There goes another one"
"Hold your fire. There's no life-form. It must have short-circuited".
"Well, no harm done if we take it out anyway, right?"
Pewpewpew!!!
The end.
Any other?
My favorite take on that scene: |
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Post by codystarbuck on Jun 24, 2022 21:11:19 GMT -5
ps
Remo Williams, The Adventure Begins.
Car slams into police car, drives it against the wall. Cop inside goes down. Sharply dressed African-American man gets out of the other car, walks over and checks inside the squad car.
"Oh, s@#$; I really did kill him!"
Escape from New York."
"I'm offering you a deal, Plissken; get the president out, in 24 hours and receive a presidential pardon."
"Go, @#$% yourself!"
Grabs pistol and shoots Plissken.
"How do you like that, smart guy? Hunh? Snake? Snake? Oh, s@#$; I really have to learn to control my temper!"
La Femme Nikita
Two men, in white coats does up a syringe.
"Please mister, she is supposed to be here!"
They administer the drug. Nikita goes into convulsions.
"Merde! I grabbed the wrong bottle!"
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Post by Prince Hal on Jun 25, 2022 8:01:27 GMT -5
If Othello and Hamlet would only switch plays, Othello would kill Claudius immediately at the end of Act One and Hamlet would have second thoughts about trusting Iago and both plays end happily.
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Post by Calidore on Jun 25, 2022 8:39:44 GMT -5
Duel: "You know what, this is going to be a boring drive by myself. I'll just spring for a plane ticket."
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Post by codystarbuck on Jun 25, 2022 17:13:28 GMT -5
Killdozer
"Hey, watch what you're doing; you almost ran into that meteorite!"
Captain America, TFA
"We're at maximum"
"I can take it!"
"We are near overload."
"No, don't stop it!"
"AAAAAAAUUUUGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Machinery shuts down, the vita-ray chamber opens. A newly muscular Steve Rogers lies limp. Dr Erskine rushes to check him out.
"He is dead. The formula caused his heart to enlarge until it couldn't sustain itself and exploded."
"Ha-ha; DIE STINKING TRAITOR! HAIL HYDRA!"
BAM-BAM-BAM!
"Dr Erskine is dead!"
"Steve is dead."
"The formula is a failure."
The Adv of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert....
"You want to travel across the outback, on a bus, to put on some shows at a resort?"
"No way, mate! Let's just fly there."
Mad Max
"Last of the V-8 Interceptors!"
"The Night Rider!"
Siren wail....
"No not the Bronze! I ain't goin' out like that, I'm takin' 'im with me!"
CRASH!
The Pink Panther
"Someone has stolen the fabulous Pink Panther Diamond!"
"No, wait; here it is!"
2001, A Space Odyssey
Monolith appears, hums. Moonwatcher looks at bones, scratches head. More humming. Moonwatcher still doesn't know what to do. He tosses the bone over his shoulder and ambles off, only to be pounced upon by a sabretooth tiger and killed. The monolith disappears.
Logan's Run
"Logan 5....identify......Seek out Sanctuary and destroy...."
"Hey, we just found some pipeline for runners and put the rebels to sleep! Yeah, the escapees all ended up murdered by some psycho robot. We've shut it down permanently."
"Logan 5...disregard last order. Continue on to Carousel for renewal."
"What about my remaining years? Can't you switch it back?"
"Logan 5....Lastday.......Continue on to Carousel"
Soylent Green
"Hey, they just published the ingredients for this stuff.......Soy....lentils.....plankton.......sodium benzoate.....guar gum......30% processed homo sapien......"
"Soylent Green is people?"
"Tasty people!"
"Enh......pass me another bar...."
The Adv of Captain Marvel
"Billy Batson, say my name..."
"My name!"
"Aw, forget it; I'm goin' back to bed....stupid kids these days........don't know a magic word when its givin to them........mumble...mumble...mumble....GET OFF MY PYRAMID!!!!!!!!
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Roquefort Raider
CCF Mod Squad
Modus omnibus in rebus
Posts: 17,401
Member is Online
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Post by Roquefort Raider on Jun 25, 2022 17:35:12 GMT -5
Planets of the apes
"Get your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape"!
"A talking human? What kind of evil sorcery is that? Shoot it!"
Bang.
..........................................
Revenge of the Sith
(That one would have actually lasted more than an hour).
"Help me, Anakin!"
"No. you are a criminal of the highest order, and if Master Windu murders you I'll testify against him, but you must be stopped".
.....................................
The Wrath of Khan
"Sir, may I quote General Order Twelve, 'On the approach of any vessel, when communications have not been established..."
"Absolutely correct, Mr, Saavik. Raise shields".
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Post by codystarbuck on Jun 26, 2022 18:11:07 GMT -5
Rocky
"You really want to chance messing up a big payday with this challenger in order to just do a sideshow with some two-bit palooka? One minor injury could sink the money fight."
"You know, you're right; what was I thinking. Forget about calling this Balboa shmoe and book me on a promotional tour of Europe. The wife and I haven't had a vacation, in a while."
Operation Petticoat
"There is no way you can salvage that boat in time to avoid the Japanese and get it to Australia. The answer is no. Now report back to me tomorrow, for reassignment."
The Longest Day
"The weather isn't favorable, General, and will only briefly subside."
"Okay, we stay!"
Patton
Somewhere in North Africa, two German soldiers scan the horizon with binoculars
"Hans, do you hear a siren?"
"Ja, Gunther. Look, an enemy vehicle!"
"It has a general's stars on it; prepare to fire!"
"Ach, let's make this sonuvabi@# die for his country!"
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