I haven't been myself for a good four months now.  Ever since the election, I've had trouble staying focused.  No, this isn't a political rant, but its results do seem to have triggered something that may have been building up subconsciously.  My work on the books has slowed to a crawl, my attention span is nil, I've been sleeping 2, 3, sometimes as much as 6 hours longer than is my wont, and I find myself fighting to stay upbeat.  It hasn't helped that the last two months have been an incredible clusterf**k financially.  Bad enough that my combined telephone, cable, and internet bills now run over $200 a month, a not insignificant sum on my tiny income.  For reasons that had nothing to do with me, my January rent check never arrived at its destination (I ended up having to send a money order by priority mail).  Not only did I get nailed with a $90.00 late fee, but my credit union charged me $35.00 to cancel the missing check.  Ouch.  Then, the forms for my annual recertification (necessary to receive my various benefits) didn't arrive at the DSHS offices until after the deadline, even though I mailed them with plenty of time to spare, which resulted in my food stamps and medical coverage being cut off.  Fortunately, I was able to get it straightened out so that my benefits will continue without interruption, but talk about a scare.  Remember, too, that all of this was happening while I was dealing with a debilitating dental issue.  On top of all that, the osteoarthritic degeneration in my hip and lower back has accelerated over the last couple of months, putting me in pain pretty much 24/7.  I can't help but wonder how much longer I'm going to be able to continue to live independently.  My sister and I have been talking about getting a house together, but that's still a long way down the road.  And this isn't even counting all the secondhand stress I'm under, as my family endure their own considerable tribulations (which I don't have the right to enumerate here).  I really don't know how much more of this hammering I can take. If it were just one or two things, I'd let it just roll off my back the way I always have. Instead, I find myself struggling daily with feelings of despair and dread.

As a few of you may know, I had some serious mental health issues a few decades back. Whatever this is, it isn't that, thank goodness, so don't concern yourselves on that score. The lifelong issues that brought on my breakdown back in the day have long since been resolved. And I'll get my finances back on track in a month or two so please, no offers to help out. That's not why I'm posting this. The truth is there's nobody in my immediate circle I can unload this on, so it's get it off my chest here or explode.

Hopefully, the Emerald City convention and the CCF dinner will pull me out of this funk. Something has to.

Cei-U!
I summon a much needed primal scream!