I got all four issues of the Underworld Olympics (Batman #272 to #275) and I’ve read three of them. It’s about what you’d expect from mid-1970s Batman.

Hopefully when I’ve read the whole thing, I’ll find some time to write a few paragraphs about this great example of Bronze Age Bananashenanigans.

I read the Vicki Vale story from Batman #79 last night and it’s totally bonkers! I’ll read the rest of the stories over the weekend and maybe I’ll find some time to write a few paragraphs. I’m starting to think “The Bride of Batman” might be the Greatest Vicki Vale story ever!

Anyway, I got home from work and I had an eBay package awaiting me! Four Batman comics from the 1970s!

Batman #277
Batman #281
Batman Family #13
Batman Family #15

And it was easy to decide what to read first! Batman Family #13 has the Outsider on the cover! Bronze-Age Outsider is Comic Book Crack!

Batman Family #13 was OK, just a bunch more foolishness with the Outsider. But that’s OK. The worst thing anybody could do is try to make sense out of the Outsider.

But I liked Batman Family #15 a lot. The Killer Moth/Cavalier super-villain team makes no sense but it cracks me up. I wish it had appeared more often. In this issue, they have decided it’s a good idea to find the Bat-Cave and they’ve each targeted a different member of the Bat-Family to get the information from. Killer Moth is going after Batgirl and the Cavalier is targeting Robin. Hilarity ensues.

It’s actually a pretty good idea even if the execution is disappointing at times. The way that Robin convinces the Cavalier that Batman and Robin are aliens is straight from Deus Ex Machina Central! Oh well. It’s not rare for me to find 1970s DC comics that remind me why I read so little DC in the 1970s.

I also liked the Man-Bat story a lot. Which is very rare for me. I make fun of Man-Bat a lot. But this story was quite a bit better than usual. Man-Bat is now living in New York and he’s hunting down a serial killer for the reward money. Francine is pregnant and the Langstroms are broke. Meanwhile Jason Bard has discovered that all the victims of the serial killer are connected to Francine! So he interviews her and she throws him out of the apartment when his line of questioning points at Kirk as the killer!

So Jason Bard gets comfy on a nearby roof, watching the apartment, waiting for Kirk to return. (He doesn’t know Kirk is Man-Bat.) Man-Bat flies home and sees Jason on the roof and thinks he’s the killer! And as he’s attacking Jason, the real killer is watching Kirk, Jason and Francine. He’s armed and ready to take out the next victim. WHO SHALL IT BE?!

To be continued!

I’ve ordered a low-grade copy of Batman Family #16. I have to read the next chapter.

Batman #79
October-November 1953

"Bride of Batman!"

Writer: David V. Reed
Art: Dick Sprang and Charles Paris

There are so many great things about this story! But the thing I love most about it is the detailed look at Gotham City journalism! It's not just Vicki Vale running around and taking some photos and getting Batman involved in various bananashenanigans. In this story, Vicki actually confers with an editor! The entire Gotham City press corps is following her every move! And we find out that Vicki has an unscrupulous rival, Eloise Leach, a photojournalist for another magazine. And Eloise is full of plots and schemes! Vicki doesn't usually need any help at all when it comes to complications.

The story starts with Bruce and Dick hanging out and listening to the radio. It appears that the Shah of Nairomi is visiting Gotham City. He's a very important visitor because Nairomi has lots of uranium. Batman and Robin are working with the police to make sure that the Shah is safe. And there's quite a few scenes where some State Department officials are hanging around, reminding everyone that the Shah is an important visitor and that we don't want any international incidents that might make the Shah's visit unpleasant.

Enter Vicki Vale.

She meets the Shah at a society event and they exchange pleasantries. He comments on how beautiful she is.

She runs into Eloise Leach. They are looking in mirrors and putting on lipstick, so I think this must be in a posh restroom at the event. Eloise is blonde and wears giant plastic-framed glasses. She's got a wide, short ponytail on the back of her head and she always has a look on her face like she just smelled a fart.

"You sure made a spectacle of yourself, dearie ...slobbering all over that fat little shah! What some girls won't do to get a story!" says Eloise.

Vicki tells Eloise to calm down but later she thinks to herself that she'd better be on guard.

(Honestly, I think Vicki welcomes Eloise's presence because now Vicki won't be the worst person in the story. Eloise is so awful (though simultaneously awesome) that you almost forget that Vicki is terrible.)

The next day, Vicki is surprised at her apartment as members of the Shah's entourage arrive and start filling her rooms with flowers. It seems that the Shah has fallen in love with her and wants to marry her! The representative of the Shah says he will be back in the evening for her answer, and adds that he's confident that she won't want to upset the Shah by refusing.

Trying to figure out what to do (she definitely doesn't want to marry the Shah!) Vicki meets with her editor and the State Department officials from the previous page. The officials try to convince her that the Shah's uranium is important to the U.S. and so she'll have to have a VERY GOOD REASON to say no because otherwise the Shah will be offended. So Vicki says, Well, what if I'm engaged to be married. And nobody knows because it's a secret engagement?

The officials are like, Come on, Vicki! You're a well-known personality! You couldn't be secretly engaged! The Shah won't believe it!

Vicki says, Well, what if ... I really am engaged to Batman! And we've been keeping it a secret!

They seem dubious that this could be real, but that's Vicki's story and she's sticking to it! The editor says that she's fired if it's not true. But Vicki knows better! This stuff sells magazines!

She rushes off to find Batman. With Robin, he is apprehending some generic fedora-wearing Gotham City gangsters, sucking them into a giant vacuum cleaner in the showroom of an electrical appliance company. This is so routine that Vicki doesn't even take any photos. She talks Batman into going along with the engagement ruse. The U.S. needs that uranium! And the Shah will only be in the country for a few weeks.

They are swarmed by the press almost immediately! Word has gotten around pretty quick. They ask Batman if it's true and he says, Hey! Whatever Vicki says, goes!

And the boys in the press notice that it looks like Vicki is wearing the pants! "WOW! She's bossing him around already!"

And the next panel is the front page of the Gotham Gazette announcing that Batman and Vicki Vale are engaged and that the Shah is being very gracious about it.

In order to make it look good, they have to be seen in public a lot. So Batman and Vicki go dancing and they have dinner and so on. Vicki is eating it up! Vicki is like, the Shah is here at the club, Batman! You have to kiss me and make it look good!

But Batman gets called away because of GOTHAM CRIME. (Some generic, fedora-wearing Gotham City gangsters are stealing ivory from the mastodons at the Gotham Mastodon Exhibit. I make a few facetious comments here and there but I am not making this up!) He buys some flowers for Vicki to make up for leaving her but a horse eats the bouquet while they are making sure the ivory is safe. Vicki scolds Batman for his carelessness. "Am I glad this engagement is only temporary! I couldn't put up with much more of this!" thinks Batman.

The next day, Batman goes to pick up Vicki to take her to a play. (Robin is with him. I guess all three of them are going to the play in the Batmobile.) They hear Vicki screaming! Some generic, fedora-wearing Gotham City gangsters are trying to abduct her! It's an added burden for Batman. In addition to spending time with her to appease the Shah, he also has to make sure Vicki is safe!

At the play, they see Eloise Leach, smoking a cigarette and looking evil! Vicki tells Batman: "I'm her PET HATE, Batman! Somehow I've got the feeling that she's wise to us ... and I'm scared! She'll stop at nothing!"

Vicki is being a bit dramatic. But just a bit. Eloise goes to see the editor of her also unnamed magazine and says that the engagement is fake ... but she can't prove it. The editor tells her to lay off. He knows about Eloise's grudge against Vicki and he tells her to find another way to get back at her if it's that important to her. Eloise drives home on the dark Gotham streets and thinks about it for a while. There's a million stories in this urban sprawl. And Eloise Leach is going to make her mark!

The next day, the Gotham Gazette floods the streets with a huge headline that the Batman wedding date has been announced! Eloise is holding her little orange espresso cup and reading the newspaper and gloating about her plan. She offered an anonymous tip to the papers ... and the Gazette went with it! She also sent phony invitations to all the important people in Gotham ... including the Shah! How is Vicki going to get out of this!

Eloise Leach is on my list as a character who will be back if I ever write Batman! Sure, she has horrible ethics. But there's no other way to survive in Gotham City journalism! She loves her town, and she wants to be a part of it!

Eloise goes to Vicki's apartment to gloat. Are you ready to admit it's a hoax? says Eloise!

Vicki admits it ... but that big smile on her face and her cheery demeanor ... this isn't what Eloise expected! Vicki is excited. She loved being Batman's fiancee and she really wants to marry him. And now he'll have to marry her because otherwise the Shah will find out he was hoaxed and he will give the uranium to Russia or Monaco or Venezuela or Canada or Bhutan.

Of course, the whole world thinks that there is really going to be a wedding! The Shah sends the Mainoor Diamond to be cut into smaller stones for a wedding band. He is also sending for his country's greatest chefs to prepare a great feast. Also, a White House spokesman announces that the president is arranging his schedule so he can attend Batman's wedding!

It's a diplomatic coup! Now the Shah will give all his uranium to the U.S.

And then there's a very sad panel in the Bat-Cave as Robin ponders his fate if Batman gets married. "You won't have much time to pal around with me ... not with a wife around."

"Don't talk like that, Robin!" Batman says. "You know that nobody can ever separate us!"

There's only one page left. The Shah rushes in and says the wedding must be stopped. He's heard that Vicki will have to have plastic surgery if she marries Batman, and he can't bear the thought of her beautiful face being altered. They agree to call off the wedding to appease the Shah.

But aren't we back where we started? asks Eloise. Shouldn't Vicki marry the Shah now?

Well, no. According to the customs of his country, he can't marry any woman who has ever been betrothed to another man. So sadly, he cannot marry Vicki.

In the final panel, Batman and Robin are in the Bat-Cave, drinking a toast with cups of milk. It turns out that Bruce Wayne visited Eloise Leach and told her about the plastic surgery. She treated it as a scoop and went to see the Shah to get his reaction. The Shah reacted just as Batman predicted.

And that's how it ends. Bruce Wayne, content in his bachelorhood, celebrates with his young ward.

There's two other stories, and they are a lot of fun. I'm not going to discuss them at any length tonight. I just wanted to comment that Batman #79 is a great comic overall and I'm really glad I got it.

It strikes me that, as such a big Batman fan, I don’t really have that many issues of Batman.

When I got really serious about a Batman collection, back about 2012, I decided to focus on Detective Comics, partly because I really love the legacy of Detective Comics, going back to 1937, with so many great back-up features to add to the fun. But also because there was a long stretch from about 1995 to 2007 where I had every issue of Detective, but I had only bought Batman sporadically.

I have had every issue of Batman from about #340 to #410 for quite a while. But up until a few months ago, I only had sporadic issues (about 20 issues) from #251 to #340. An awful lot of those issues I bought back in the late 1970s or early 1980s. Many of them I bought brand-new, but some of them I picked up at used bookstores. (I got my Batman #251 for 12 1/2 cents in 1976.) And there’s quite a few of them that I bought within the last three or four years.

I decided to start working on a collection of every issue of Batman from #251 to #400. It makes no sense for me to be such a big Batman fan and yet I don’t have 100 consecutive issues of Batman. But I’m working on it.

So for the last few months, I’ve been trying to pick up reasonably priced issues of Batman from this period. A dealer offered me Batman #317 for half price and I got that a few days ago. I am expecting #289 and #307 in the next few days. I’ve reached a point where I’m only missing 15 issues between #251 and #340.

It’s been fun reading them. It’s the period where the writing chores switched from David V. Reed to Len Wein. I like both writers quite a bit. Lots of art from John Calnan and Irv Novick, but also Dick Giordano, and little surprises like Walt Simonson’s Calendar Man story. (Which I love.)

And also lots of weird stories! Batman #303 has a villain called the Dodo-Man, and it’s Bronze Age Bonkers! But it seems perfectly reasonable for Gotham City.

Happy Bat-Dreams, Hoosier!

Batman #264, #310 and #323 are arriving in the mail today!