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Post by DE Sinclair on Apr 30, 2015 7:55:12 GMT -5
Been an extremely rough day on so many fronts. Beyond my post-concussive syndrome, which continues to be a serious long term problem for me since my accident in October, I was blindsided today with news from two fronts today -- the school district I work for is implementing a new contract that will discontinue spousal health benefits, force us to teach an extra class (it's already impossible to get all my planning, grading, meetings, and parental contact done during the two prep periods I have now), virtual academies in which some of our classes will now have us monitoring up to 100 students being taught by software rather than teaching up to 30 kids via traditional instruction, and that all of this will result in countless layoffs (likely not me, but still...). I just completed my first yearly evaluation under the new super-stringent state guidelines under which it is nearly impossible to score perfect, and yet I scored perfect. I'd like to be proud of myself and all I do, but then this news comes right on its heels. No matter what we do, educators are hated in this day and age. We're to blame for everything, and I've lost the energy to be angry. I'm just deeply, deeply hurt. If that wasn't enough, my wife completely blindsided me with the news tonight that she's thinking divorce. I don't even have the energy to discuss how this feels nor why I absolutely did not see this coming. No one cheated. No one's been hitting anyone or abusing substances. No one has fallen out of love. I'm just...thrown. So yeah. It's been that kind of a day. I don't usually open up around here. Ever since the move, folks don't treat me the same, jokingly referring to me as the grand dictator for life or politely backing away from disagreement and debate because my opinion shouldn't be contradicted or I might ban them if I get offended or something. Been a long time since I felt like I was among friends here, but I really need that feeling tonight. Truly a horrible day and I'm so very sorry you had to go through it. Especially with being hit with talk of divorce. Do you think she'd be willing to try counseling? I've never had to go through something like that, but others I've talked to have said it's helped. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you.
As to being the Grand Poobah around here, mostly what's directed your way is gratitude and respect for this asylum you built for us and the ongoing work we know you do to maintain it. But like I told Dan a few days ago, it's often more about group therapy here than just comics, so please feel free to open up as much as you need to. Also if it will make you feel better I will go out of my way to argue irrationally with you more often and try to be more obnoxious whenever possible towards you. Cause, you know, anything for a pal.
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Post by Farrar on Apr 30, 2015 11:21:07 GMT -5
Sorry for all you're going through, Shax.
In my relatively short stint as a new CCFer I've still seen enough to know you're someone who garners both respect and affection. Not only is everyone here because of you, they're here for you too.
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Post by Ish Kabbible on Apr 30, 2015 13:06:49 GMT -5
Hang tough Shax. These types of disappointments can make you a better person after you weather the storm. Its just a bitch to get through before the light of day
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Post by wildfire2099 on Apr 30, 2015 13:14:26 GMT -5
Damn, Shax, that's a whole heap of crap at once! FWIW, I greatly appreciate educators, and am very sad our society doesn't value them. Sorry to hear about the family stuff... hopefully you'll be able to work it out, or if not, move on and be happy separately. If you ever need a (mostly) objective opinion, feel free to PM me... I'm not a counselor, but I sell books to them all the time  . |
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Post by impulse on Apr 30, 2015 13:34:14 GMT -5
Holy crap, man! I cannot even imagine what that must feel like, and I feel for you, Shax. So sorry, and I hope you and your wife are able to figure it out. I second couples counseling if she is open to it. If as you say it's not that anyone has cheated or fallen out of love there is a very good chance you guys can work through it.
I can sympathize with the educator job, as well. My mother is a recently retired Kindergarten/1st grade teacher, and it seems TPTB are hell-bent on decimating the school system. It's a sad state of affairs, but I feel like something is going to change one way or another as there is only so much more they can press and squeeze before something breaks. Hang in there.
As for the CCF/Admin thing, I didn't know you guys before the exodus, but I can understand why it's tough. Everyone tends to be on their best behavior around the "boss" in general, and it's odd when one of the gang gets promoted up, but from what I've seen you don't need to worry.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 13:55:00 GMT -5
To be fair, the reason I try to be on my best behavior here is not because I'm afraid of Shax banning me, but because I know he's worked hard to keep this community together after we all left CBR, and I don't want to be the guy who ruins the atmosphere. Also, to be fair, my best behavior isn't always that great anyway.
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Post by Rob Allen on Apr 30, 2015 14:15:19 GMT -5
Echoing what others have said - shax, we're here for you.
My father was a teacher for a decade. He loved working with students but got out because he couldn't stand the bureaucracy and did training in the corporate world. My wife's mother was a teacher too. Teachers are tops in my book, and I can tell you're a good one.
And the news from your wife must have been a shock. It was when my first wife told me she was moving out. In my case, I quickly concluded that the split was long overdue. Your case sounds different. I hope you two can have some long conversations and figure out the right way forward.
And for Dan - the old guideline was that the woman should be half the man's age plus seven. If you're 55, that means the ideal woman for you is 34 and a half. She's only a year too young for you, not 22 years.
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Post by impulse on Apr 30, 2015 14:31:39 GMT -5
I thought the "half your age plus seven" was to calculate the lowest advisable age limit, not the ideal. Am I off on that? Either way, this model loses effectiveness at very high or low starting points...
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Post by Rob Allen on Apr 30, 2015 15:30:37 GMT -5
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships#The_.22half-your-age-plus-seven.22_rule : "In the earlier sources the rule had a different interpretation than in contemporary culture, as it was understood as a formula to calculate suitable age for the bride, instead of a lower limit for the suitable age. Max O'Rell's Her Royal Highness Woman from 1901 gives the rule in the format "A man should marry a woman half his age, plus seven."[22] Similar interpretation is also present in the 1951 play The Moon Is Blue by F. Hugh Herbert.[23]" And 55 is NOT high. - Rob (age 58)
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Post by impulse on Apr 30, 2015 15:52:34 GMT -5
Huh. Well, today I learned something. And when I mentioned extreme ages, 55 was nowhere near my thinking, lol. I was thinking more senior citizen territory. Sorry for any confusion there. I assume the historical rule was to allow sufficient time for children, etc?
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Post by Phil Maurice on Apr 30, 2015 18:14:20 GMT -5
If anything, folks are too respectful to me and don't treat me like I'm just another member of the community. I never wanted to be an Admin. . . But there's always more work to be done, and so I remain the admin. I've never been comfortable with being treated like one, though. Aw, geez Shax. I'm genuinely sorry for all you've had to face. And performing all the myriad tasks that make this place so phenomenal on top of it. You truly are the best of us all. But I'm guilty of tip-toeing around admins, slavishly following the rules, and being a general sycophant. I did all that and I'm not proud of it. I have heard you and I want to help, so let me just say: The Tempest sucks! The Spectre is lame! Doug Moench is a hack! Master of Kung-Fu is garbage! Go ahead! Ban me!  (Fans himself) Oh. That felt. . .good. (please don't ban me)  |
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,871
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Post by shaxper on Apr 30, 2015 18:53:22 GMT -5
The Tempest sucks! The Spectre is lame! Doug Moench is a hack! Master of Kung-Fu is garbage! Go ahead! Ban me! (Fans himself) Oh. That felt. . .good. (please don't ban me) Ah, you just made my day  Really guys, thanks everyone for all you've said. It's meant a lot to me. And I definitely apologize for whining on the one year anniversary of the CCF. Happy birthday, Eeyore style  My wife and I have been in counseling for a long while now. The difference is that I keep doing work on our relationship, and she keeps sitting there, telling the therapist why she's done. This time, she means it a lot more than she has before. I don't give up on things. I didn't give up on this community when all seemed lost, I'm not giving up on my profession even when I probably should, and I just can't imagine life without my family, problems and all. Losing my wife would be unbearable enough -- the custody battle, though...I couldn't even imagine it. So I don't know where things are even a day later. She hasn't exactly packed her bags, but she's made it pretty clear she's done with me and done with us, so I have no idea. Anyway, thanks everyone for all you've written. I've read all of it and smiled at quite a bit of it, and smiles are hard to come by for me right now. And yes, PLEASE argue with me, tease me, and generally give me a hard time. We can be respectful and polite as we've always been while still tearing me a new one for thinking Kitty Pryde and Doug Moench are the best things ever to happen to comics  I miss the harassment. Anyway, I'm not letting all I'm going through get in the way of some big news I'll be announcing in an hour or so.. |
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Post by Paste Pot Paul on Apr 30, 2015 19:21:59 GMT -5
Shax, for a start Im sorry its taken so long to put in my 2 cents worth, but obviously it took longer for me to hear, being so far away and all.
Its hard to hear of the troubles youre going through, I, like everyone else here hope it works out for the best. Having been through similar family issues in the past, and vestiges of that still, Im somewhat aware of what youre enduring. It works out man, not always how you want, but it gets there. Just keep a good relationship with your kids mate.
It sucks how you teachers/educators are treated, no different over here either. Expected to be mother/father/teacher/coach, all by lunchtime, with the added proviso that its all your fault. Yet, again the kids are the important thing here aint they? Stick it out bro, change some lives.
...and really, are you crazy?, thinking peoples here treat you different, or think less of you. Mate the whole vibe I get here is of a big, (relatively)happy family, who respect everything you have done in order to provide them their little virtual buddyland.
Seems to be more like listening to what Dad says, than being scared of Big Brother.
YOU have created the perfect forum to help those like yourself, a community of friends who are willing to take the time to talk to each other about, among other things, the important things in our lives.
So talk.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2015 21:32:41 GMT -5
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships#The_.22half-your-age-plus-seven.22_rule : "In the earlier sources the rule had a different interpretation than in contemporary culture, as it was understood as a formula to calculate suitable age for the bride, instead of a lower limit for the suitable age. Max O'Rell's Her Royal Highness Woman from 1901 gives the rule in the format "A man should marry a woman half his age, plus seven."[22] Similar interpretation is also present in the 1951 play The Moon Is Blue by F. Hugh Herbert.[23]" And 55 is NOT high. - Rob (age 58) I thought the rule was invented by bros over pizza. Didn't have a clue it was turn of the century etiquette |
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Post by wickedmountain on May 1, 2015 0:46:47 GMT -5
The Tempest sucks! The Spectre is lame! Doug Moench is a hack! Master of Kung-Fu is garbage! Go ahead! Ban me! (Fans himself) Oh. That felt. . .good. (please don't ban me) Ah, you just made my day Really guys, thanks everyone for all you've said. It's meant a lot to me. And I definitely apologize for whining on the one year anniversary of the CCF. Happy birthday, Eeyore style My wife and I have been in counseling for a long while now. The difference is that I keep doing work on our relationship, and she keeps sitting there, telling the therapist why she's done. This time, she means it a lot more than she has before. I don't give up on things. I didn't give up on this community when all seemed lost, I'm not giving up on my profession even when I probably should, and I just can't imagine life without my family, problems and all. Losing my wife would be unbearable enough -- the custody battle, though...I couldn't even imagine it. So I don't know where things are even a day later. She hasn't exactly packed her bags, but she's made it pretty clear she's done with me and done with us, so I have no idea. Anyway, thanks everyone for all you've written. I've read all of it and smiled at quite a bit of it, and smiles are hard to come by for me right now. And yes, PLEASE argue with me, tease me, and generally give me a hard time. We can be respectful and polite as we've always been while still tearing me a new one for thinking Kitty Pryde and Doug Moench are the best things ever to happen to comics I miss the harassment. Anyway, I'm not letting all I'm going through get in the way of some big news I'll be announcing in an hour or so.. Hi Shax I am very sorry to hear everything you are going through. I enjoy this website a lot I like hearing about what everyone on here has purchased etc or just hearing about the stuff they have been reading in there collection. good thoughts to you man . I think your pretty cool |
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I miss the harassment. 
