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Post by hondobrode on May 1, 2015 1:07:20 GMT -5
Hey Shax,
Didn't read this until just this minute, and you're a dude, and I'm totally here for you. Two ex-wifes behind me for different reasons not to go into now, but I've learned a lot.
Anytime you want to reach out for a PM, I'm good with that, e-mail, phone, whatever.
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Confessor
CCF Mod Squad
Not Bucky O'Hare!
Posts: 10,202 
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Post by Confessor on May 1, 2015 6:57:46 GMT -5
Been an extremely rough day on so many fronts. Beyond my post-concussive syndrome, which continues to be a serious long term problem for me since my accident in October, I was blindsided today with news from two fronts today -- the school district I work for is implementing a new contract that will discontinue spousal health benefits, force us to teach an extra class (it's already impossible to get all my planning, grading, meetings, and parental contact done during the two prep periods I have now), virtual academies in which some of our classes will now have us monitoring up to 100 students being taught by software rather than teaching up to 30 kids via traditional instruction, and that all of this will result in countless layoffs (likely not me, but still...). I just completed my first yearly evaluation under the new super-stringent state guidelines under which it is nearly impossible to score perfect, and yet I scored perfect. I'd like to be proud of myself and all I do, but then this news comes right on its heels. No matter what we do, educators are hated in this day and age. We're to blame for everything, and I've lost the energy to be angry. I'm just deeply, deeply hurt. If that wasn't enough, my wife completely blindsided me with the news tonight that she's thinking divorce. I don't even have the energy to discuss how this feels nor why I absolutely did not see this coming. No one cheated. No one's been hitting anyone or abusing substances. No one has fallen out of love. I'm just...thrown. So yeah. It's been that kind of a day. I don't usually open up around here. Ever since the move, folks don't treat me the same, jokingly referring to me as the grand dictator for life or politely backing away from disagreement and debate because my opinion shouldn't be contradicted or I might ban them if I get offended or something. Been a long time since I felt like I was among friends here, but I really need that feeling tonight. Aw, man...that all really, really sucks (and that's putting it lightly). The talk of divorce from your wife must be very upsetting and for that to come on top of everything else is really bad timing. Divorce isn't something that I have any experience with, having never been married myself, but I have been in some pretty long term relationships (5+ years) that suddenly "went south" for whatever reason, so I think I have some small understanding of what you might be feeling. Since you and your wife are already in counseling, I really hope that you can sort things out. You don't strike me as a quitter, so I'm sure you'll give it everything you've got to save your marriage. And as others have said, any time you wanna vent or talk in the forum, you'll have a lot of sympathetic ears and wise people to offer advice, or to simply listen and offer support. As for the other point, about people treating you differently. I can't say that I have ever felt that people do that, and I certainly don't. Tags like "grand dictator for life" and others are obviously meant in jest, but also as a mark of respect and thanks for the HUGE favour you did us all by starting this place. Anyway, whether you feel it or not, you should know that you are most definitely among friends here. |
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,871
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Post by shaxper on May 1, 2015 7:24:18 GMT -5
Appreciated, man. I know everyone means very well by it, but all the respect can be a distancer. I just want to be one of the gang. I built what I built and did what I did in order to keep things going, not to be praised. I guess I've never handled positive attention all that well. Also, what makes this community great isn't me. It's all of us, and this place belongs to all of us. I'd like to see that understanding sink in more. The Mod Squad works just as hard as I do here, as does our front page guru, and anyone who ever posts a thoughtful, fun, or otherwise engaging post is someone who's really making the community do it's thing. I never wanted this place to be "shaxper's site". I'm trying hard to change that perception. So anyone who appreciates what I've done and really wants to thank me, the best way to do so is to take the spotlight off of me and celebrate the community as a whole  |
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2015 7:26:12 GMT -5
Did I miss the big news, Shax?? You said you had big news. I hope it's great news!
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,871
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Post by shaxper on May 1, 2015 7:27:23 GMT -5
Did I miss the big news, Shax?? You said you had big news. I hope it's great news! , cw  |
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Post by the4thpip on May 1, 2015 7:28:24 GMT -5
Seems to be something in the air: My boyfriend of 3 years just dumped me. He figures he just isn't made for closeness.
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2015 7:34:28 GMT -5
Ouch, sorry to hear that Pip. Hang in there.
-M
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,871
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Post by shaxper on May 1, 2015 7:54:05 GMT -5
Seems to be something in the air: My boyfriend of 3 years just dumped me. He figures he just isn't made for closeness. Geez I'm sorry to hear that. If they invent teleportation in the next day or so, I think you and I should go out for a few drinks and wallow in shared misery. Translation: I'm here for you. |
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Post by DE Sinclair on May 1, 2015 8:13:54 GMT -5
Seems to be something in the air: My boyfriend of 3 years just dumped me. He figures he just isn't made for closeness. Damn that sucks. Three years is a long time to just up and dump someone. Prayers and best wishes to you. With all this going on, I'm going to make sure to be extra nice to my wife this weekend, just in case. After all, she's going with me to FCBD tomorrow and wants to see the Avengers 2 for Mother's Day weekend, so she's clearly a keeper. |
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Post by adamwarlock2099 on May 1, 2015 8:26:16 GMT -5
Sorry to hear pip. I don't know what to say that's of real help, cause drinking pain away don't work. I've tried. So you know ... maybe something more enjoyable might take your mind of the situation. Best wishes for you buddy.
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Post by impulse on May 1, 2015 9:29:59 GMT -5
Ugh. Sorry, all. My sister got dumped by her three year BF out of the blue a few weeks ago, too. Stay strong, all, and you'll get through it. It's been a while (thankfully) since I've gone through something like that first hand and God willing I won't again, but I always found distraction and keeping busy helped a lot.
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Post by thwhtguardian on May 1, 2015 18:39:18 GMT -5
Seems to be something in the air: My boyfriend of 3 years just dumped me. He figures he just isn't made for closeness. Damn, that sucks man. |
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Post by Deleted on May 1, 2015 19:00:04 GMT -5
I was gone for a couple of days - and attended a wedding in Portland Oregon today (flew down Wednesday Night) and stayed a few days (originally scheduled to come back home tomorrow) and discovered that the Bride jilted the Groom on the day of the wedding and the wedding got canceled - So, right now I'm in state of shock seeing the Bride that I know for three years to not to marry her man of whom that I knew since College (this is his 2nd Wedding) and he and his family are in great shock and don't want to talk to anyone at all. Got home a hour ago from the Airport. I thought I share some bizarre wedding stories - and this one really cut the cake!
Went down with another friend of mine and he used his connections from Horizon Air to get us tickets and a quicker way to get home fast from this bizarre wedding that I just attended. He knew the Groom too - he and the Groom served in the US Army together for 20 years.
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shaxper
CCF Site Custodian
Posts: 22,871
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Post by shaxper on May 1, 2015 19:04:32 GMT -5
Came home tonight, and my wife is all warm smiles at me. First chance to approach her alone, I tell her I don't understand where we are with things. Her coy response is that she doesn't either. Been pleasant as punch to me ever since.
What the heck?
I'm not going to push it. This isn't about my dignity, nor about who has all the power in this relationship. I'm willing to put up with nearly anything to keep our family together. I love her in spite of all this, and I also can't handle a custody battle. I need to be in my children's life full time.
So I have no problem with putting up with crap. I'll continue to work my hardest on our relationship, as well as to understand that all of this comes out of her own issues and not a desire to play god with my life. I'll let these antics play themselves out in therapy and hope they'll be addressed and remedies there, and if it keeps our family together, so be it.
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Post by Rob Allen on May 1, 2015 19:19:14 GMT -5
attended a wedding in Portland Oregon today (flew down Wednesday Night) and stayed a few days You should've gotten in touch, I would have made time to meet for a pint or two. That goes for any and all CCFers - if you're headed for Portland, I'm ready to meet up. And shax, that's good news, confusing as it may be. Enjoy the good times, endure the bad, and stay true to yourself. |
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